The One They Never Chose

However, the next thing Jim said tore my hopes to pieces.

"Quit dreaming. I didn't come for you. I was getting Lucia's gown, and then I ran into you, acting all crazy! Listen, Yoana, stop trying to trick me into feeling sorry for you."

Looking at his angry face, I let out a sad laugh.

I had thought he was really worried about me, and that was why he came after me. However, I was wrong.

I had always known that my brother was head over heels for Lucia. He was like her puppy, always following her around, even though Lucia liked Patrick. He was willing to let her be with someone else. He even ran around doing things for her wedding.

His love knew no bounds.

I did not want to say anything more. I just turned around and walked step by step into the river.

Jim must have thought I was just trying to scare him. He stood on the bank, teasing me, "Hurry up. Why are you so slow? If you're going to die, do it fast and don't keep me from helping Lucia!"

I sped up, letting the river water drench me. Gradually, it went over my head. The freezing water filled my mouth, and I could not breathe.

I was finally leaving.

However, in the next second, someone yanked me up hard.

Jim hit me across the face. "You really dared to do it! Yoana, who do you think you are?"

He spoke as he dragged me back to shore. "Listen to me. Your life was given to you by Mom, and you can't just throw it away."

Mom was the kindest person in the world to me. I did not want to leave her, but I had to go.

After Jim stopped my suicide attempt, I made up an excuse to go home.

He shouted after me, "So what if Patrick got married? You like him, don't you? Then you should let him be with the person he truly loves! That's what real love is!"

However, I did not like him. I just wanted to stay alive and get back home. That was why I got close to him.

…

I bought a rope and went to a deserted park.

I knew I could not do it at home. Mom was still there, and I could not bear the thought of frightening her.

Standing alone beneath the trees, I prepared to end everything. Looking at what lay before me, I let out a quiet, self-mocking laugh. I had lived in this world for a full 25 years.

It was not very long, because it all passed in the blink of an eye. Yet it was not very short either, because I had been through so much.

Back then, Jim did not like having me as a sister. He believed my birth would steal our parents' love from him. That was why winning him over had been especially difficult.

However, I used to believe that if I was truly sincere, he would eventually come to accept me. Back then, I used to skip meals at school and save my lunch money just to buy him a gaming console. When he caused trouble, I was the one who took the fall for him.

When he felt sick in the middle of the night, I was the one who ran through the pouring rain to get his medicine and stayed up caring for him all night. When he had his eyes on a pair of sneakers that cost 450 dollars, I spent two entire months during summer break working to earn enough to buy them for him.

Little by little, I could feel him starting to warm up to me.

Just when I thought I was finally making progress, Lucia showed up, and all my years of effort seemed to vanish.

I guessed it did not matter anymore. I might as well think of those past 20 years as nothing more than a dream.

I stood on a rock and tried to end it all. The choking sensation hit me instantly. I fought back instinctively, but I still tried not to make any noise.