The One They Never Chose

I did not want to draw attention to myself.

Oh, and to avoid frightening anyone, I had also left a note behind.

[Don't worry, I'm now a star shining in the sky.]

Slowly, my mind started to blur. As death loomed close, a rush of memories from this world flew through my mind. No matter how hard I tried, Lucia always seemed to win. Everyone liked her more than me.

Just when I thought it was the end for me, someone suddenly lifted me up.

I was grateful to be taking in fresh air and breathed deeply.

"Yoana, have you lost your mind?"

The man in front of me was Calvin Scott, my former doctor. He was eight years older than me. He was also a man I had once tried to get close to.

Back when I was diagnosed with depression, he was the one who treated me. The system told me that he could be someone I could connect with, so I spent a lot of time trying to be good to him.

We shared meals, painted together, and visited amusement parks. He even introduced me to his beloved grandmother. He told me I was the first woman to ever step into his old house.

His feelings for me grew quickly. I was sure it would work out this time.

However, Lucia showed up again.

Right in front of me, she burst into tears and said to Calvin, "Dr. Scott, Yoana got someone to hurt me. I can't sleep, and all I see in my dreams are those scary moments. I just want to end it all."

Just like that, Calvin hugged her in front of me. "Don't be scared. I'm here for you."

That same day, Calvin, with eyes red from anger, yelled at me to go away. He said I was only pretending to be sad to make him feel sorry for me, and he even called me gross.

Just like that, I failed in my mission once more.

…

I could not help but laugh at the irony of it all. Twice in one day, I tried to end it all, and both times, I bumped into someone I had tried to charm before. Was the world really that small?

"Aren't you supposed to be at Lucia's wedding right now?" I spoke without any feeling, my eyes just staring blankly at him.

He was a good-looking guy with a nice voice, and he was always kind to women. That was how he once helped me come out of my dark place. However, he was also the one who pushed me back into an even darker hole.

"I wasn't feeling well and needed to get some air. Is that a problem?" He frowned, looking totally annoyed.

He was really into Lucia too. He even gave up his chance to study abroad for her. Today was her wedding day, which was probably why he was upset.

"Why are you trying to do something so drastic here? Or did you know I was close by and thought this might make me feel bad for you? Yoana, can you stop acting all sad in front of me? Can't you try something new?"

I heard him, but my expression did not change. I had heard that kind of talk from him more than once.

However, I was not pretending. I really was depressed. Why could he not see that? Did they always have to blame me for everything just because I was not loved?

I kept quiet and got up to leave. As I walked away, I started to think up another way to end it all.

I had never felt so lost before.

It seemed Calvin was scared I might actually do something to hurt myself. He grabbed me and brought me back to his place.