Goodbye, Mother: The Daughter Who Walked Away

2: 2

After Renata moved in, even my birthday got moved.

My mother said, "Rennie's younger than you, and your birthdays are close. Celebrate together, it'll be more fun."

But my birthday is March fifteenth, and Renata's is June twentieth.

Three whole months apart.

On Renata's birthday, my mother bought two identical mango cakes.

Renata loves mango. I'm allergic to it.

"A little bit won't hurt. It's Rennie's favorite flavor. If you two have the same thing, she won't read anything into it."

I stared at the mango glaze on the cake, and my stomach turned.

Renata closed her eyes, made a wish, and blew out the candles.

Smiling, my mother cut her the biggest slice, then cut a small one for me.

"Max, you eat too."

I got down two bites before my throat started itching, and I ran to the bathroom to rinse my mouth with cold water.

The face in the mirror had red-rimmed eyes and lips that were beginning to swell.

When I came back to the living room, my mother was holding up her phone, taking photos of Renata.

Renata threw up a peace sign, beaming.

I stood off to the side like a spare piece of scenery.

That night a rash spread across my face, itching so badly I couldn't sleep.

I hid in the bathroom, pressing ice water to my skin.

My mother knocked. "Max, what are you doing in there?"

"I'm having an allergic reaction."

"Allergic to what? You're just too delicate, won't eat this, won't eat that. If you weren't such a picky eater like Rennie, you wouldn't have any of these problems."

Her footsteps faded away.

She never even came in to look, never asked if I needed anything for it.

My mother made a daily show of treating everyone equally, and to outsiders she became the model parent.

Our neighbor Mrs. Lambert dropped by, saw Renata and me in matching pink dresses, and couldn't help but gush.

"Lucretia, treating both girls exactly the same, you're a rare kind of good aunt. If Rennie's dad could see this from beyond, he'd rest easy."

My mother smiled, all modesty.

"They're both my own flesh and blood. Rennie lost her parents, so of course I have to love her a little more, but I'd never shortchange Max. See? Whatever Rennie has, Max has too."

Right. Exactly the same.

Renata wanted strawberry cake, so I got strawberry cake.

Renata wanted a pink dress, so I got a pink dress.

Renata wanted piano lessons, so I got piano lessons.

But I don't like strawberry cake, I don't like pink dresses, and I never wanted to learn piano.

Everything she gave me was what Renata wanted.

All at once, I didn't want to put up with it anymore.

The day we moved into the new house, my mother bought Renata a pair of princess slippers, then handed me an identical pair.

In the name of treating everyone equally.

I told her I was allergic.

She didn't believe me.

The slippers got tossed by the front door and sat there gathering dust.

One day my mother was cleaning and found them.

She picked them up and threw them down in front of me.

"Maxine! This is how you treat something I bought you?"

"I told you, I'm allergic."

"Allergic, allergic, everything's a problem with you!"

Renata stood beside her and said quietly, "Aunt Lucretia, maybe Max thinks princess style is too childish and doesn't want to wear them. Don't be angry."

"Rennie, don't stick up for her. She's just doing this to spite me!"

My mother shoved the slippers into my hands.

"Wear thick socks if you're allergic. If you don't wear them, it'll hurt Rennie's feelings."

I looked down at the slippers, lace edges scratchy, sequins digging in.

I threw them back into the shoe cabinet.

"I'm not wearing them."

My mother's face twisted in an instant.

"Fine. If you're so tough, then from now on I won't buy you a single thing!"

She grabbed Renata's hand. "Rennie, come on, I'll take you out for something good. Ignore her."

Renata looked back at me once, something complicated in her eyes.

There was sympathy, but more than that, pity.