SHATTERED AND TEMPTED

FREYA I went to Luna's room and crawled into her little bed, careful not to wake her. She was curled under her blanket with her pink teddy bear, breathing softly and evenly. I sat there in the dark, staring at her sleeping face, wondering if she had any idea about her father and the woman she cared about so much. Did she sense it somehow? Or was she just blissfully innocent? I pressed my face into the pillow beside her, trying to hold back the tears, trying to stay quiet so she wouldn't wake, but my heart wouldn't stop racing. I can boldly say this is one of the most messed up nights I have ever had in my entire life. I used to think the night I lost my father was the worst. Or those nights I would go extra with new lingerie, feeling ready, feeling horny, hoping my husband would finally touch me... only for him to give me a quick kiss and whisper that "work had been stressful." I thought those moments hurt, but this is worse. This is horrible in a different kind of way. I lay beside Luna and stared at the ceiling, my heart beating fast like it didn't want to stay in my chest anymore. A part of me wanted to get up, go to the bedroom, shake Mark awake, and make him explain himself. But I had a strong feeling that waking him now would turn into a heated argument. I could already imagine both of us raising our voices, and I couldn't risk Luna hearing any of it. She had her first day back at school tomorrow, an open day with all the fun activities, and she had been looking forward to it for weeks. I wasn't going to let my mess ruin her excitement. I moved closer to her, watching the way her tiny fingers held her blanket, and my chest pulled tight again. "God, just drug me to sleep," I whispered into the dark. "Help me escape this scary reality." I closed my eyes, but sleep wasn't coming. My mind kept replaying everything over and over. *** The next morning, Luna's pad buzzed and woke me. She was sitting up, swiping across the screen, her little face lit with the colors from the cartoon she was watching. "Luna," I said, trying to sound stern, but my voice was still hoarse, "I teach you to pray the moment you open your eyes in the morning, not watch stuff right away." "I'm sorry, Mommy," she said, pausing the video. Then she tilted her head and asked, "Why are you sleeping in my room?" I lifted an eyebrow. "Is that your way of saying good morning?" She rolled her eyes and gave a small smile. "Good morning." I couldn't help it. I smiled back, the ache in my chest softening a little. "Mummy just wanted to spend time with her princess," I said, holding her close for a moment, really thinking about how distant I'd been lately. "Mum... your eyes," she said, pointing to the puffiness and red rings under them. I smiled softly. At least she noticed. "It's nothing, darling." I sat up, kissed her forehead, and hugged her tighter. "So... today is resumption. I guess you're excited?" "Yes!" she squealed, bouncing on the bed. "Aunty Lili said because of me she's coming for the open day! My teachers are excited, and everybody is excited too. And the school isn't even paying her. She's doing it for free!" She giggled, full of joy. "She's so nice, Mommy." My chest tightened at the mention of Lila. "You really like Aunty Lili so much?" I asked quietly, forcing my voice to be calm. "Yeah! I love her, Mommy. Aunty Lili is so pretty. She wears high heels like grown-ups, not just sneakers like you. She wears shiny shoes, and she always wears dresses with sparkles. She does her hair like this." Luna twisted her little hands and pointed at her head. "And she smells nice, like flowers. She sings songs with me, reads stories, and buys me gifts even when Daddy forgets." I watched her, my chest tightening even more. She didn't mean to hurt me. She was just a kid sharing the things that made her happy. But it stung, knowing how much of my place she had already taken in her eyes and how Luna had more or less forgotten the moment she shared with me. "Luna... don't you love Mummy too?" I asked quietly, trying to keep my voice steady. "I love you, Mommy," she said, without hesitation. "But... you love Aunty Lili more than Mummy?" I asked, even though I knew the question sounded silly. My stomach twisted, but I couldn't pretend I didn't notice how Lila had slowly replaced me-not just with Mark, but with Luna too. Or was I imagining it? "Mum-" she started, but Mark's voice cut her off. "Good morning, my queen and princess," he said cheerfully. Luna jumped on him, squealing. He picked her up, hugged her tight, and then leaned down to kiss my cheek. I forced a smile and nodded, but he didn't even notice my swollen eyes, my sleepless night. They started their little handshake routine, whispering secrets only they understood. It was supposed to be sweet, but it felt like I was watching from the outside, left behind while they shared their world. "I'll go get dressed for work. Your nanny is around, Luna. Time to get ready," Mark said. I just stayed frozen, staring at the floor like someone dazed. "Honey... why did you sleep here and not in our bedroom?" Mark asked. "Is it a crime to spend the night with my daughter?" I said, my voice sharper than I intended. He flinched at my tone, clearly unsure what to say. I guess he wondered why that harmless question made me sound this way. "I'll go get dressed for work," he muttered. I was surprised. He didn't even notice my swollen eyes. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I wanted to spill everything, to scream, to cry. "Mark," I called.