Preparing the Zoo for Christmas
Chapter 1
After I started working at the zoo, I was added to a group chat called “A Hundred Ways to Kill a Human.” Every member had an animal as their profile picture. At first, I thought it was some quirky staff group. I even found it kind of cute.
That was, until I realized they were discussing how to eat me.
Pedro the Parrot: [The new human has beautiful eyes. I can’t wait till Christmas. I want to peck them out right now!]
George the Gorilla: [Relax. There’ll be many visitors during Christmas. We’ll have more eyeballs than we can eat! Also, I’m calling dibs on her thigh.]
Thor the Tiger: [Nobody’s taking her head, right? That’s mine.]
Tucker the Elephant: [I’m a vegetarian, but I can crush her bones to dust.]
After I started working at the zoo, I was added to a group chat called “A Hundred Ways to Kill a Human.” Every member had an animal as their profile picture. At first, I thought it was some quirky staff group. I even found it kind of cute.
That was, until I realized they were discussing how to eat me.
Pedro the Parrot: [The new human has beautiful eyes. I can’t wait till Christmas. I want to peck them out right now!]
George the Gorilla: [Relax. There’ll be many visitors during Christmas. We’ll have more eyeballs than we can eat! Also, I’m calling dibs on her thigh.]
Thor the Tiger: [Nobody’s taking her head, right? That’s mine.]
Tucker the Elephant: [I’m a vegetarian, but I can crush her bones to dust.]
My fingers trembled. Slowly, I lifted my gaze toward the elephant enclosure—the area I was assigned to.
An elderly elephant was staring straight at me. Its eyes were dull and cold, filled with fatigue and resentment. Its massive body was covered in cracked, dry mud. Flies swarmed around it, and it looked like it hadn’t bathed in ages.
We locked eyes, and a chill ran down my spine. What on earth was that group chat?
When I looked down again, the chat had gone silent.
“Hey, newbie! Get to work!” my coworker snapped.
He walked into the enclosure with visible disgust, grabbed the hose, and sprayed the elephants roughly. They backed away, clearly unwilling to let him near.
“You useless beasts,” he cursed. “I’m so sick of taking care of you. Get over here!”
The elephants didn’t move, so he threw the hose on the ground. “Fine, stay filthy! See if I care.”
He stepped out of the enclosure and turned to me. “I’m done here. Don’t forget to prep their feed later, but don’t bother too much either. They barely eat anyway. What a waste of money.”
Then, he left.
Every elephant glared at him as he walked away, especially the old one, its cloudy eyes full of rage.
My phone buzzed again.
Tucker the Elephant: [When Christmas comes, I’ll be the first to crush Hose Guy. Then, I’ll crush all the humans.]
Ellie the Elephant: [Let me stomp on them too, Dad!]
Chuck the Seal: [Christmas means lots of humans! If we riot at that time, we can kill so many of them!]
Kingsley the Monkey: [Hose Guy deserves to die. The new girl probably sucks, too. I’ll throw a rock at her head to see how she likes it!]
I blinked in shock and instinctively looked around. Suddenly, with a whoosh, a rock the size of an egg flew past my ear, missing by inches. My knees almost gave out.
On the monkey hill not far away, a monkey was standing upright, baring its teeth at me. The moment it saw me look, it scratched its chest and grinned, pretending innocence.
I swallowed hard. I was sure of it now that the group chat was full of animals.
I stood frozen, completely stunned. Those animals… Did they hate humans that much? And they were planning a revolt on Christmas?
After hesitating for a while, I finally stepped into the elephant enclosure and began my work. All the elephants watched me with blank, emotionless eyes.
As I moved, I tried to focus on cleaning while my mind spun with questions.
The place was in terrible shape. The enclosures—both inside and out—were piled with dung, and the stench was overwhelming. The artificial stream and pool, once built for the elephants to play in, were now black and stagnant. The faucet on the fake rock wall hadn’t produced a drop of water in ages.
Even animals cared about cleanliness, especially intelligent ones like elephants. I couldn’t imagine how miserable they must have been, living in conditions like this.
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