Passing Love: I will Wander, Looking for Beauty

He didn't respond to me. Instead, he skillfully took the condoms out of the closet's hidden compartment and then lay down.

"Stop making a fuss. Our families have discussed everything, and all the preparations are made. Just go to sleep."

This was the same pattern. Whenever I wanted to discuss something seriously, he always avoided the main issue. He clearly didn't intend to go to sleep. His restless hands wrapped around my waist, and he rested his head on my shoulder.

"You're the only one I want to marry."

Gavin's voice was gentle, almost like he was trying to soothe me. If it had been before, I would have likely surrendered immediately. I admit part of it was physical attraction. But now, I felt like I wasn't just drawn to his good looks.

I couldn't tell if he was being sincere now or if the real him was the one from earlier that day. I pushed him away.

"I'll sleep in another room."

Gavin looked at me with an expression that clearly said he hoped I'd come back to bed. But I didn't want to. In fact, his current behavior was somewhat repulsive to me.

Since I had planned to accompany my good friend Sonia for her gynecological check-up, I got up early the next morning. To my surprise, Gavin left before me. He had left me breakfast with a note.

"Remember to eat breakfast."

His handwriting was beautiful. Waking up to such a breakfast and note was indeed romantic. But a sudden realization made my heart sink. I realized that Gavin liked to make these gestures of superficial care. In terms of formalities, he was flawless. He was more considerate and romantic than many other men. He often left me caring notes, prepared flowers, or gave small gifts.

I used to appreciate these gestures, but now I wondered if they were just obligatory parts of his routine, like he said yesterday—just another step in a project. I felt that this breakfast was probably his way of apologizing for what happened yesterday. But I didn't feel any genuine thought behind it. His outward actions and concern seemed perfunctory. For example, the breakfast he prepared included milk and cheese bread, even though I was lactose intolerant.

After making some oatmeal for myself, I headed straight to the hospital. When I arrived, Sonia was already there, having received her number and preparing for her check-up. Sonia had recently married and received a promotion, so she was a bit anxious about getting pregnant. I comforted her while we waited for the results.

To my surprise, I ran into Gavin at the payment window. He was holding Helen Jacobs in his arms.

"Kyra, it's not what you think. I had low blood sugar, so Gavin brought me to the hospital."

It wasn't a big deal initially, but her comment made it seem more suspicious. I nodded and continued to wait in line.

Gavin, looking a bit nervous, explained, "Today, the school had an event, and Ms. Jacobs suddenly fainted. Since she was in my group, I brought her here."

I observed them. Helen was practically clinging to Gavin, and it was clear to anyone that she had feelings for him. How could Gavin possibly be unaware of this? The lack of a clear refusal or boundary-setting was problematic.

However, I was surprisingly not angry. If it were before, I might have caused a scene and made things uncomfortable. But now, I had learned to remain as calm as Gavin.