Only Ever Almost

Every time the scent of peach crisps drifted through the air, Caleb would come running with delight.

But Flint never knew—our son had asthma. He never liked those dry, crumbly pastries. What he truly loved… was Flint coming home safe.

A pang tugged at my chest, but I forced a faint smile.

"Thank you."

Flint exhaled in relief. After a brief hesitation, he said, "Amanda, there's something I want to discuss with you."

My heart skipped. "What is it?"

He sat beside me, pulling me into his arms.

"I know you want our son to go to school. I want that too. So I talked it over with Lucy. From now on, Jesse will take our son's school spot. After school, he'll come to our house and tutor Caleb. What do you think?"

I said nothing. Inside me, the last trace of light went out.

Perhaps realizing something was wrong, Flint avoided my gaze, though his lips kept moving.

"There's really no other way. After all, Lucy just divorced. She's vulnerable; she needs help."

Vulnerable.

And what about my son? He was only seven. Wasn't he vulnerable too? Yet for Lucy, he cast Caleb aside without a second thought.

I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, only coldness remained.

"Jesse can have the spot. But you must promise me one thing."

"What is it?"

"Tomorrow night, you come home. Celebrate Caleb's birthday with him."

Flint nodded immediately. "I'll be here."

On the third day, I prepared all of Caleb's favorite dishes. I set his photo in the chair and waited quietly for Flint to come home.

The elders say that on the third day after death, the soul returns to have one last look at their loved ones.

I hoped that when Caleb came back, he would see us—his parents—together, celebrating his final birthday.

The clock ticked, hour after hour. Eight o'clock came, but Flint still hadn't appeared.

I couldn't wait any longer. I ran straight to the base.

But as soon as I stepped outside the compound, I saw fireworks blooming by the roadside. In the bitter cold of winter, their crackle and bang split the dark street.

I was about to walk past when I heard Lucy's voice.

"Flint, careful! Don't let the sparks hit Jesse!"

She stood under a tree, her tone light and coy.

Flint chuckled, struck a match, and lit Jesse's firework.

"Jesse, congratulations. Tomorrow, you officially start school!"

Lucy clapped her hands over her ears and shouted cheerfully, "Jesse, happy first day of school!"

From the shadows, I stood frozen, my heart tearing apart again and again.

Yes. Tomorrow was the first day of school. But my poor Caleb… would never live to see it.

I thought bitterly, 'Flint, do you even realize your son's gone? You promised to celebrate his birthday. Yet here you are, celebrating another child instead. Do you still remember our Caleb? Tomorrow should have been his first day of school too…'

I didn't disturb them. I turned back, walking home alone.

The food on the table had long turned cold. I took a bite, then looked at Caleb's photo with a trembling smile. Tears blurred my vision.

"So salty. Even saltier than the food at the hospital that day. Caleb, today's your birthday. Happy birthday, sweetheart. And… Mommy misses you."

That night, Flint set off fireworks for Lucy's child, while I sat with Caleb's photo and finished Caleb's favorite foods.

By dawn, I packed my suitcase.

Just then, Flint returned.

"Caleb, Daddy's home! There was an urgent mission last night, so I couldn't tell you in time. I missed your birthday. But Daddy bought you a present—a brand-new schoolbag. Come try it—"

His words broke off.

His gaze froze on Caleb's photo sitting on the chair.