Only Ever Almost

I drew a deep breath, lifted my head, and resolved to cremate Caleb without telling Flint.

Since Flint no longer wanted this family, I had no reason to cling to it either.

After the cremation, I would take Caleb's ashes back to my hometown, let him return to the roots where he belonged.

Before that, I had three days to put everything in order.

Today was the first.

…

Leaving the hospital, I carried two documents with me: one was Caleb's death certificate, the other, the cremation application.

I couldn't bear to let Caleb die alone in a foreign place. I had to take him home, back to the home that no longer had Flint in it.

At seven that evening, Flint came back. He was dressed in a sharp military uniform, but in his hand he carried a faded blue cloth bag.

When he saw me, he set the bag down casually and instructed, "Wash these clothes tomorrow.

Lucy has a hard time looking after her child on her own. You should help her when you can."

I almost laughed. Why should I, his wife, bear the burden of his childhood sweetheart's struggles? I was just about to refuse when he interrupted again.

"Where's our son? He's not home?"

His eyes swept the room, puzzled.

My chest tightened, and I scrambled for an excuse, but before I could speak, he ordered, "Since he's not here, pack a few of his clothes. I'll bring them over to Lucy's later. They've just come back from abroad and didn't bring enough. Jesse can wear our son's clothes for now."

When I didn't respond, he strode straight into our son's room, opened the wardrobe, and pulled out the neatly folded clothes. He sifted through them, frowning as he judged each piece.

"This one's too worn."

"This one has a patch."

"This one's ugly."

All the clothes he'd never once noticed before suddenly became riddled with flaws. They were not good enough for Lucy's son.

I turned my head quickly, wiping away the tears welling at the corners of my eyes.

When I looked back, the clothes were already scattered on the floor.

"What are you doing! Don't touch Caleb's things!"

I screamed, shoving him away with all my strength.

Flint staggered, his face darkening.

"Amanda, are you insane? They're just clothes. Nothing valuable. Once you've washed Lucy's laundry, I'll return them to Caleb. What's the big deal?"

He pushed past me, ready to leave. His boots crushed the fallen clothes beneath him, leaving dirt-streaked footprints one after another.

Too numb for anger, I called after him.

"Wait!"

He turned, his face tight with impatience.

"Will you ever stop?"

My fists clenched at my sides. From the drawer, I pulled out the papers I had prepared.

"I'm taking Caleb back to my hometown in a few days. Sign this."

Suspicion flickered across his face.

"Isn't he starting school soon? Why go back all of a sudden?"

I dug my nails into my fingers, feigning calm as I offered a casual excuse.

"A relative passed away. I want to take him back to pay respects."

He hesitated for a moment, then, without even reading, signed his name.

"Fine. Stay a few extra days then. No need to rush back."

I lowered my gaze, hiding the redness at the corners of my eyes.

"Mm."

Yes, I would stay longer—forever, if I could. That way, he could chase after his true love without ever looking back.

Blinking away the tears, I walked him to the door.

Just as he was about to leave, he paused, pulled two candies from his pocket, and handed them to me.

I froze, then accepted them. They were still warm from his touch, and for a brief moment, my heart softened. I wavered, wondering if I should tell him the truth.

But then he said, "I bought these for Jesse, but he doesn't like them. I left the rest at the hospital. These two were left in my pocket—give them to Caleb so they don't go to waste."

In an instant, the fragile warmth collapsed into a deeper chill.

I turned away and shut the door behind him.

Two days left.

…

The next day, I went alone to the crematorium and sent Caleb on his final journey.