Not Trapped with You, Not Trapped in Love

I have been travelling Japan for almost one month,during this time Ryan didn't inquire about me nor did he call me.Probably,he didn't even know that I had left.

I reluctantly came back home.

When I entered inside everything felt the same and cold except the Winter Jasmine I carefully grew dried and full of dust.

The flight ticket stayed still in the same place on the table untouched.

“Good.Very good.”I murmur,looking at the frosty tickets.

Ryan was sitting on the couch with an extremely bitter expression on his face.

“Selena!”His tone was cold as ice.A chill ran down to my spine.

“What?”Compared to him,my voice was calm.

“Selena,are you that childish for a thirty years grown woman running away from home?”He was fuming in anger.

I was certainly not a child nor did I act like one.

A child may cry when he or she was hurt but if a grown woman like me started to cry out my grief,I would be ashamed.

“I brought you a souvenir.”

Aa I finished saying,I took out a small crystal ball night lamp.When I touched it,it was glowing with yellow light.

The divorce paper which was already signed by me was peeking beneath it.

Ryan looked at it and didn't answer about that.

He didn't even touch the lamp.

“Zen didn't mean to hurt you.”He shrugged his shoulders,“She is still growing and likes cute things.What's wrong if she sent you the puppy?”

“But if you want more,have this money.Buy a bag or jwellery for yourself.”

He fiddled the card and almost threw it on my face.

Wow!It was good to have money,so much that it could cover your every wrongdoing.

All I needed to do was to enter the pincode and everything would be buried.

I didn't continue the topic and looked at the lamp again,“Ryan,do you find it familiar?”

Ryan tittered,“Since when did you love this cheap stuff?”

I was shocked and tried to say something but the lump on my throat prevented me to utter a word.

When we were seventeen,we stood in front of an antique shop and liked this crystal ball lamp very much.

“Don't look at it.”The shopkeeper was harsh,“It was imported from Japan and out of your reach.”

Well,she was not wrong.At that time Ryan left his family to be with me.The money we could make from our part time job was not enough to buy us such a luxurious gift.

So,Ryan spent a good two months making the exact same crystal ball lamp for me.

He even engraved our name in the shape of a heart over the lamp.

“Ryan loves Selena forever!”

I couldn't help but cry in happiness.

But now that we had the privilege,Ryan forgot our past.

Seeing that I was silent,Ryan clicked his cheek with his tongue,“Alright.Don't make trouble.I’m already busy.”

He straightened his clothes and got up.

Then I noticed the hickeys on his neck which are red and purple.

I wanted to vomit on this site.As I backed off,I slumped on a chair.

“What's wrong with you?”Ryan rushed forward to hold me.

“Fuck!Keep your dirty hand away from me.”I groaned and pushed him away.

“Selena!”Ryan shouted furiously and pushed me away hard.

I bumped into the table and fell down.A part of my temple was injured and bleeding.

When I was gasping in pain,he kicked my leg again,“Fucking hell!I shouldn't have come back.You’re so disgusting.”

“I feel sick just looking at you like this.Even if you were standing naked in front of me,I wouldn't even bother to look at you any more!”

Ryan's phone kept ringing.He shot a gaze of disgust at me before picking up the call.

I wanted to stand up but I was dizzy.Everything on the table fell down and created a mess.The beautiful lamp was now a broken chuck of glasses.

I forced myself to stand up and clean up the mess.My hands were scratched by the debris and blood dripped onto the carpet.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down.

I saw his laptop was still there and it was showing the purchase of a designer bag.

On my birthday this year,I received a designer bag Ryan sent to me which was not appropriate to carry for a lady like me.I thought Ryan was not thoughtful but now everything was clear.

It was never meant for me.This kind of bag suit Zenelia best.

I smiled bitterly and the tears finally didn't listen to me.

I treated my wound and went to my room leaving the mess behind.Since this home was no longer mine,I didn't have to care about it anymore.

Ryan didn't look back at me anymore and was busy pleasing Zenelia.

Life was always full of ups and downs and it was better when you were alone.

I finally made up my mind and came out with two suitcases.

“"You're making trouble again,Selena,are you not done yet?”

“I don't care where you go now,but we're going to have a dinner party at the old house next month,so don't embarrass me and come back before time.”

“What if I won't?”I could be an obedient wife and listened to him but now I lost the power,lost the courage.I just wanted to run away from him,end this marriage,so that nothing could hurt me anymore.

As I said,Ryan's face was darkened in anger.