No Constraints, Just Freedom in Love’s River

When I got home, there were already people there: John's friends and Emily.

They had made a table full of dishes, obviously under John's direction, but it made me feel slightly nauseous.

Emily saw me and said, "John just went to a friend's house that day, and you had to make a fuss and go on a business trip. How do you expect him to feel at ease with you like this?"

She had a scolding tone, and the others around her seemed to agree. John, on the other hand, looked at me expectantly. No one thought there was anything wrong with Emily speaking to me this way.

In the past, I would have considered John's feelings and would only argue with him later.

Today, though, I'd had enough. I asked her, "What position are you in to speak to me like this? First, you know he has a girlfriend, yet you don’t avoid suspicion. You have no sense of boundaries and act all preachy. Second, John is not so important that I need to flee to another city to avoid him. And lastly, this is my home. If you’re going to stay, then behave, or get out. For years, I’ve tolerated your holier-than-thou attitude, always seeking validation from someone else’s boyfriend. Do you really think it makes you superior?"

Emily didn’t expect me to lash out suddenly. In fact, no one did. They were all stunned into silence.

I dumped the fish they had cooked into the trash. "I'm allergic to seafood. The smell of fish makes me nauseous." Then, I looked at John and said, "If you cared about me even a little, you’d know how much I despise the smell of fish, but all you see is how much Emily likes it."

John shut his open mouth.

I knew he was used to siding with Emily against me, but when I confronted him, he began to feel guilty and ashamed. I looked at him calmly, "John, let’s break up."

"Anna, what are you talking about?" John suddenly walked over and hugged me. He even smiled, his tone almost tender, a treatment I hadn’t received in years.

"I know I've neglected you, but I'm really trying to change. I was actually planning to propose to you today. I bought the ring, the one you liked. You always wanted our own wedding. I couldn't afford it then, but now I've got everything ready, even the wedding dress. Let's go see it together in a few days, okay?"

"John, I said we’re breaking up. I’m not joking," I ignored his eagerness.

John wanted to say more, but I didn’t want to hear it. I just said to him, "I’ve never wanted to break up with you because it was hard to win you over. I cherished what we had, so I thought giving more wasn’t a big deal. I even fantasized that one day, we’d truly be in love. But I was wrong. There’s only inequality between us and Emily."

"I swear, that night, I wasn’t with Emily."

I suddenly laughed, "John, sometimes people lie so much they start to believe it themselves. Do you know when I completely deleted Emily from my contacts? It was the day you didn’t come home, and she posted on ins the next day. In the corner of one of her photos, there was something left behind after your dating. I wanted to leave us both with some dignity, and I’m willing to make way for you two. What more do you want?"

John was stunned.

He looked at me and suddenly softened, "Anna, it only happened once, I swear. That day, you wouldn't go out with me. I was so upset that I crossed a line with Emily. When I realized it wasn't you, we stopped immediately. Anna, I know I was wrong, but I'll change."

"It's too late, John. I don't care anymore."