My First Love Became the Reason I Chose Death

I stayed by the streets for three nights before I finally found such a client.

“Client?”

Austin coldly laughed. “Belle, you’re unbelievable. You have arms and legs; what kind of job can’t you do? Did you really have to come out here and trade your body?”

I looked far ahead, my mind empty. Yes, during these four years, the thing I heard most was exactly that: you have arms and legs, what kind of job couldn’t you do?

Everyone stood on their moral ground, judging me and yelling at me.

But they had no idea that I had tried everything.

A girl who had just graduated from high school at eighteen. For over ten years, I had focused on studying and saw the world with simplicity and innocence.

My parents had given me a very comfortable life when I was young; I had never worried about money at all.

But in one night, both of them died.

Just to stay alive, I took endless part-time jobs, serving food, clearing plates, washing people’s hair, and feet.

I even worked three jobs every day.

Still, the money was never enough.

No place wanted to give me a normal job. Nobody would choose someone with only a high school diploma, and even less someone with a bad name following her.

Even when I pushed myself until I was worn out, even when I worked until I could barely stand, the small pay from odd jobs was still far from enough to take care of Tanya and me.

You may wonder, who was Tanya?

She was a child I rescued. She had a disability and was left behind by her parents on a main road. When I came across her, she was almost run over by a big truck.

That day, I had wanted to lie down on the road too and let my life end there.

But that child smiled at me.

I struggled for a long while, but in the end, I chose to keep living and to raise her.

Thinking about this made me suddenly become anxious. I had been away for so long; Tanya must be longing for her mother.

“Please step aside. How I sell myself is my own matter; it has nothing to do with you.”

“Austin, your life is so good. It really makes others feel bitter. The next time you see me, just act like you never did. Otherwise, I’m scared I won’t be able to stop myself from pulling you down into the dirt with me.”

I gave a small, bitter smile. Right when I was ready to turn and leave, Austin caught my hand.

“Belle, look at yourself now. Where is even a sign of the smart girl you once were?”

“If your parents could see this, see the daughter they cared for so much turned into a woman standing on the street, they would probably be angry enough to die again!”

I froze, then suddenly started laughing.

I laughed until tears came out.

Would they really see it?

If they could see it, then why didn’t they come back to life to help me?

Something felt off about Austin. He actually left his girlfriend behind and pulled me into a mall to buy clothes.

I stood by the clothing shelves, feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

“No need. These clothes cost too much. I can’t pay for them.”

Austin suddenly lifted his head and stared at me in surprise, then quickly frowned.

“Belle, can you stop acting?”

“When you were in high school, anything you wore without thinking cost more than this. Putting on a show like this just makes people annoyed.”

I showed a bitter smile. That was the past.

The past and the present were two totally separate lives.

Austin stayed as controlling as always. He frowned, stopped asking what I thought, and straightaway pulled a bright yellow dress set from the hanger, telling the shop clerk to have me try it on.

I shook my head.

Austin looked slightly angry. “Don’t act ungrateful. I remember you once liked yellow the most, like a sunflower.”

That also belonged to the past, back when I lived freely under my parents’ care, surrounded by plenty of friends, like a glowing little princess.