Most Afraid of Not Being in Love at The Right Time

I said, “Don't worry, I know myself.”

I had never touched it before and I would never touch it in the future.

Richie did not hear anything unusual, nor did he care what I was doing. He went into the study as usual and did not come out for the whole night.

I stared at the closed door in a daze and laughed at myself. 

Richie could not even bear to sleep in the same room with me again.

**

In the next few days, I was preparing to go abroad and had no time to pay attention to Richie.

Until that afternoon, when I had completed the resignation procedures and was leaving the orchestra, I received a call from Richie’s good friend, “Letha, Richie is drunk and it's useless for any of us to persuade him. Do you think you can come over when you are free?”

On the phone, the other party's voice was helpless.

I was a little surprised. Richie said that drinking would affect the operation, so he rarely drank. Why did he drink suddenly?

But I did not delve into it further. I asked for the address of the party and took a taxi to go there to find him.

As I arrived at the place, the party was almost over. 

The strong smell of alcohol mixed with cigarettes hit me in the face. I coughed lightly twice and saw Richie at a glance.

The lights were dim. He was wearing a white shirt and looked handsome and elegant. 

Perhaps he had drunk some wine, as he was resting on the sofa with his eyes closed, holding a petite girl in his arms.

Tiffany was wearing a light blue dress and leaning against someone shyly.

As the lights turned, she looked up at me, a hint of subtle provocation flashing in her delicate eyes, just like the faint smell of perfume on her body.

It had the sweet scent of gardenia, the same scent as the perfume that I had taken time off from work to buy that day.

Tiffany's lips curled up slightly. She gently pushed Richie and her soft voice made people feel pity in their hearts, “Richie, your fiancée is here.”

Richie did not even raise his head and chuckled, “What fiancée? Aren't you my fiancée?”

The careless tone was like a heavy hammer, hitting my heart hard.

The dull pain almost made it difficult for me to breathe.

There was a sudden silence in the box and several eyes fell on me one after another.

Richie finally noticed me at that time and his eyes quickly regained clarity. He glanced at Tiffany beside him, his expression changing, “I, I'm drunk... I thought it was you just now.”

I slowly clenched my hands at my side and said calmly, “Let's go.”

Seeing that, Richie seemed to be secretly relieved. He stood up shakily and walked towards me. His indifferent eyes seemed somewhat gentle under the light.

“Okay, I'll listen to you.”

As soon as he finished speaking, he leaned on me as if he had no strength left. 

The smell of alcohol was mixed with a sweet scent of perfume like a sharp silver needle, it pierced her heart.

I had loved Richie for seven years, more than two thousand days and nights. Liking him had almost become an instinct. Even if I was planning to let go, I would still feel sad because of his betrayal.

Richie drank a lot of wine and lost consciousness completely after leaving the box.

I carried the man into the car with great difficulty, but found that he had no keys on him.

I guess he did not bring it out.

I turned back to the box and was about to knock on the door when I suddenly heard Tiffany's half-joking, half-sarcastic voice, “Why did you call her here? It was so embarrassing just now.”

“I'm afraid she'll cry. Who of you will comfort her then?”

The people in the box laughed and spoke in a mocking tone.

“Of course, we have to call her over so she can face reality.”

“That's right, she is not worthy of Richie, but she has no self-awareness and keeps clinging to him shamelessly.”

“Now that you're back, she should go somewhere cooler.”

The merciless ridicule and condescending contempt trampled me into the mud. I listened expressionlessly and suddenly pushed the door open heavily.

The voice suddenly stopped.

They all looked back and were somewhat surprised and uncomfortable, but they did not feel apologetic. After all, they believed they had said nothing wrong.

I raised the corners of my lips, walked forward to pick up the car keys and said as if nothing had happened, “It's okay, you guys continue.”

After saying that, I turned and left.

Behind me, there was silence.

I brought Richie home with great difficulty. 

When we entered the building, the drowsy man suddenly became uncooperative and leaned against the door, refusing to move.

“Richie, hold on a little longer, we will be able to lie down soon,” I tried to coax him.

Richie suddenly opened his eyes and looked fixedly at me.

Under the light, his eyes were sharp, as if he was looking at someone extremely disgusting. Before I could react, I was suddenly pushed away by him, “Go away, don’t touch me.”

I fell to the ground unexpectedly and felt a sharp pain in my tailbone.

I turned pale with pain and looked up at Richie, only to see that he was just leaning against the door, looking down at me. 

His indifferent eyes were like a basin of ice water in the cold winter, completely extinguishing my lingering feelings.

At the same time, it also woke me up from the illusion I had been having for years. It turned out Richie had never actually loved me.

My tears welled up in her eyes, I stood up and left as if escaping.

Behind me, Richie slid down the wall and sat on the ground, seemingly having fallen asleep, but I had no time to wonder whether he was cold or comfortable.

I sat on the sofa all night until it was dawn outside the window.

Richie came out of the room with his hands covering his forehead, his face gloomy, “Why would I sleep on the floor, you..."

Before he could finish his words, he saw my appearance and suddenly remembered something.

He showed a rare look of guilt on his face. After a pause, he apologized, “Sorry, it was my fault last night. By the way, I'm free the day after tomorrow. Can I take you to ride a hot air balloon?”

Staying up late made my head feel dizzy and my nerves felt like they were being torn apart.

I raised my head in a daze and the face of the man in front of me seemed unfamiliar. I stared at him absentmindedly until he showed impatience.

“Okay,” I responded calmly.

After getting the answer, Richie felt relieved and left impatiently.

I looked at his back, closed my eyes and leaned back on the sofa.

Time passed quickly and it was the appointed day. Richie wore a white sportswear, which was rare for him. 

His hair fell naturally in front of his forehead and he looked just like he did in college.

“Let’s eat first. It's quite far over there and there's nothing to eat on the way,” he said casually.

I listened to his familiar tone and paused slightly, but said nothing.

After finishing our meal, we drove to their destination.

That day was a weekday and most of the tourists there were students and young couples. Their faces were filled with excitement and anticipation and they chatter away, making the two of us who were silent seem like oddities.