Mom’s Regret After I Died

Her eyes followed the drop down.

I reached up to my face. Blood was running from my nose, fast. The cake batter on the floor was already turning into a sticky red puddle.

The collar of my dress was bright red. When I looked behind me, I saw bright red drops all over the floor, a whole trail of them.

Mama was a clean person. I scrambled to my knees and started wiping the floor with my sleeve.

The more I wiped, the worse it got.

"What is going on? Why is there so much blood?" Mama's face had gone still.

"I didn't mean to, Mommy, I—"

"So you ate the frosting. We can afford to feed you. You don't have to make this much of a scene, and now you're bleeding from your nose?"

Was she actually worried about me? I didn't know why, but the tears just started coming. Mama hadn't sounded like that in so long. I was so happy I forgot the pain.

I reached out for her. "Mommy."

Before my fingers touched her, Charlotte came out of the kitchen holding an empty bottle.

"Look, my little sister ate all the strawberry jam."

"It's not jam," I said, and the red light flashed again.

Mama stepped back. "Wonderful. Now you've figured out how to play the victim."

Mrs. Hayes grabbed my arm and dragged me, silent, up to the attic.

I lay on the floor and beat my fists against the iron door.

"Mommy, it's dark in here. Daisy is scared."

It was cold, too.

I curled up around my bunny and shook, tears just rolling down. I pressed my face into him and tried to smell the jasmine on him, which was Mama's perfume.

A memory came up.

Charlotte had a whole playhouse stuffed with toys Mama had bought her.

Mama wore a silver locket. Inside the locket was Charlotte's school photo.

One time I'd just wanted to peek at the photo. Mama had shoved me away and pulled Charlotte close.

"Do you know how much time I've spent on you these last few years? I haven't been able to be there for your sister. And you're still going to compete with her for it?"

I had stood there listening, and it had hurt so much that I couldn't say anything back.

Mama, you don't even have one picture of me.

Even my hand, when I reach out, you don't want.

Up in the cold attic, I felt around in my pocket and found the bottle. There was only one pellet left.

I looked at the bracelet.

The light was red.

I hadn't said a word. I was just sitting there, curled up around the pain in my stomach, and I still hadn't said anything.

The bracelet stayed red.

Maybe it could read what I was thinking, too. I was thinking Mommy over and over, and it was lighting up.

Then I'll stop thinking it.

The candy was almost gone. I didn't want to use the last one.

But it hurt so much.

Outside, the sun was up, and I could hear party noises and music starting.

I dragged myself across the floor to the window.

Colored balloons were bobbing in the wind. Down there it looked like another world entirely.

I pressed my hand to my chest where it hurt.

"It's just heartbreaking, really. Ma'am got separated from her family, lost her memory, suffered out for years, and now on top of all that she's got this slow one to deal with."

"If you ask me, she has a kind heart even bringing her back. I would have left her where she was."

"Today's the gala to introduce the daughter. We need to keep an eye on this one. She can't make a scene."

My eyes stung. I patted the bunny's torn ear.

It's okay. It's okay. Don't cry now.

I lifted my hand and my fingertips came back wet.

I scrunched up in the corner. My sleeves were soaked through with crying.

So today is the day Mama tells everyone Charlotte is her daughter.

But I'm her daughter too. Why won't she say it for me?

Charlotte was in a princess dress, and Mama had a soft smile on her face I'd never seen before.

Mommy, is there no room for me in this house?

Then the door flew open.