Mom’s Regret After I Died

Charlotte snatched the bunny out of my arms, threw him on the floor, and ground her shoe down on his face.

His face crumpled. One of his ears tore off.

My chest seized up. I scrambled after her, all the way down the stairs.

I bent down to pick up the ruined bunny, and when I looked up, flashes went off all around me, blinding white.

Voices everywhere.

"Look at her. She has the same eyes as Mrs. Ashford."

"Didn't they say Mrs. Ashford had another child, before they found her?"

Everything was strange and loud, and my body was burning. I looked across the room for Mama.

Her face was steel. Her eyes were full of disgust.

My chest squeezed so hard I couldn't get air.

"No. No."

Mama doesn't want them to figure out who I am. She doesn't want anyone to know I'm hers.

"She's not my mommy. I don't have a mommy."

I started screaming. "Please, stop talking about her. Please."

"She wet herself. Look."

The whole room went dead silent.

I went rigid. I stared down at my legs and started yanking at the hem of my muddy dress, trying to cover the dark wet patch.

I caught Mama's eyes. She was even angrier than before.

I was sobbing. "Mommy, I'm sorry, I couldn't hold it in."

"I am not your mother. And what are you doing carrying that filthy rabbit around? Haven't you embarrassed me enough?"

Mama stalked over and tore the bunny right out of my hands, then ripped one of his legs clean off. The cotton stuffing burst out of the rip and spilled.

Something inside me ripped open at the same moment. Fine cold needles drove into my bones. This was worse than every other time.

"Don't, please. Mommy gave him to me, please don't."

Then I tasted iron.

Black blood came up out of my throat. I tried to keep my eyes open as I grabbed handfuls of cotton off the floor and tried to stuff them back into the bunny.

The little bottle hit the floor with a small sound. I lunged at it and got the last pellet into my mouth.

I swallowed.

As I swallowed, I looked one last time at the light on my wrist.

It went dim. Then dimmer. Then it went out.

I don't lie anymore. I don't talk anymore.

It's all the same.