Love Turns to Tears and Ashes

Our relationship's progress, from dating to marriage, like the speed of lightning. It was so fast that I made my head reeling.

However, it was not until our wedding that I discovered he had lied to me. Connor had a childhood sweetheart, the one love that he longed for, who had to leave for America after college. Connor wanted to inherit his family business so he could not follow her and, in the end, he had to end their relationship.

He told me the truth, that the reason he publicly confessed his love to me was because he was angry with his fate.

On the night of our wedding, he finally confessed that he could never forget his ex-girlfriend so in order to make his grandmother's mind at ease he had to stay married to me for the time being.

He then proposed to set a married contract. In it, we agreed not to interfere with the other's personal life and we could love whoever we wanted as long as it did not reach the media.

Despite everything he had said, I was still hopelessly in love with Connor. I was sure that one day I could win his heart.

For five years, I did everything I could to take care of him and became a model wife that everyone admired. I believed even the hardest stone would soften in my warmth. Yet, Connor still did not love me. He kept pushing me away every single time, just like he had done the night before.

The following morning, Connor told his grandmother that he had an urgent matter at the company and left me behind.

When he finally returned home, it was already late at night.

As soon as I opened the front door, my nose was assaulted with a heavy strong of alcohol. I held up the drunken Connor and asked, "Why did you drink so much?"

The friend who had brought him home chimed in, "Today, we held a welcome party for one of Connor’s old friends. He got a bit carried away celebrating. Please don’t be upset."

"Who is this friend's name?" I asked.

"Oh, I think she was called … Kelly. Kelly Lawson. You probably don't know her," he added.

I forced a smile and shook my head then helped Connor to enter our bedroom.

How could I not know Kelly? I know that name too well.

I had once stumbled upon a bundle of letters in Connor’s drawer, each one of them addressed to “Kelly Lawson.”

I was curious because almost no one still wrote letters these days. So, I opened the letter one by one and was surprised to find that page after page filled with Connor's delicate handwriting. Each letter was brimming with his love for Kelly. There were one hundred and fifty letters in total.

Now, Kelly had returned. Connor's "person he longed for" had come back.

I endured the headache in my heart as I covered Connor with a blanket.

The man's eyes tight shut. His handsome face flushed from alcohol and his mouth whispered with a barely audible sound, "Kelly …."

I smiled bitterly and went back to my own bedroom. Then I opened my WhatsApp and read the messages my best friend had sent me a few hours ago.

Matt wrote, "Have you made the decision yet? When will you start the dialysis treatment?"

I knew perfectly well the side effects of dialysis treatment, that I might lose my hair, become irritable and turn into the shadow of my former self.

I then wrote, "I've made my decision. I'm going to stay with the medication for a little bit longer."

If this would be the last time for me to be with Connor, I wanted to leave him with the memory of the best of myself.

I took out a piece of blank paper and wrote the title on the top "Bucket List".

The first item on the list was to raise seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

I became an orphan when I was three years old and grew up on social welfare and the kindness of strangers.

I was so grateful for their help and often thought that without their help, I would not be able to attend university or meet Connor. So, I planned to donate the money I raised to help underprivileged children. It had always been my dream and it was time to make it happen.

The next day, while Connor was at work, I sorted through the boxes and mailed them to the children in a remote mountain region.