My Wife’s Best Guy Friend Had Constipation, So I Used Super Glue on Him

“I’ll go turn myself in. I’ll tell the police I’m the son-in-law of the richest family in Frostgale City.” I continued confronting Lucia. “And just tell the truth: you brought a man home and then you told me to buy LaxaTube… and--”

Lucia cut me off in panic. “Shut up! If you dare say that to anyone, I'll make you suffer with my own hands!” Just like that, she quickly walked away.

“She looks scared." Amelia asked like a curious child. "But why though? Does she have to be that scared?”

“Well, LaxaTube turning into Crazy Glue is super weird, right? It will definitely go viral.” I continued, “Normally nobody cares about such silly news, but if it hits the trending list, people will dig into Lucia's past.”

“Northwind Enterprises is a global company. If that kind of scandal gets exposed, what do you think will happen?” I let out an evil smile.

“You are so bad,” Amelia said, finally understanding. “The company probably won’t be destroyed, but the board of directors will definitely attack her. Even my husband James will get attacked.”

Suddenly, a nursed called, “Family of the patient, please come in!”

Amelia and I went into the emergency room. There was a curtain, so we couldn’t see Asher. But boy, we surely hear him screaming.

Then the doctor asked the family to sign the surgery form, because they needed to operate. That much was obvious since his butt was practically glued shut.

“It’s strange,” the doctor explained seriously. “We found that the top part is still LaxaTube, but the bottom tube did contain Crazy Glue. Did you perhaps know something about this?”

“So now the patient really needs to poop, but his rectum got glued shut. Hence he cannot do any of that.”

“We must operate on him soon. If the patient kept holding it in and somehow it breaks something inside, he’s finished.”

“Then do the surgery! I’ll sign!” I stepped forward.

“Excuse me, you are the patient’s…?” the doctor asked.

“Oh, he’s my wife’s best friend,” I explained. “They were playing in the bedroom, then he suddenly ran out. I was totally confused.”

“I can prove it!” Amelia raised her hand. “I’m his mother-in-law!”

“…Wow. Your family is really messy,” the doctor said, shocked.

Anyway, I signed the form. Asher also agreed to it, so he went into surgery.

After Amelia and I walked out of the room, we saw Lucia coming back. She saw us and thought Asher was dying, so she rushed over.

“How’s Ash?!” she asked in worry.

“The doctor said it’s good he got to the hospital early. Otherwise his stomach wouldn't be able to hold it in and Asher might break his rectum in the process. But, now he’s safe in the hospital.” Amelia lied smoothly.

Lucia rolled her eyes hard, then glared at me. “Mateo, I always treated you well. Why did you do this?”

“First, I didn’t do anything. Second, you did not treat me well," I protested. "My original yearly salary was over four hundred dollars before you made me move in as your stay at home husband. You controlled every cent I spent. I could only use 3000 dollars a month!”

“Third, I don’t care if you mess around with strangers outside the house, but you brought someone home. You don’t treat me like a human. If you don’t treat me like a human, why should I act like one?” I stared at her coldly.

All these years, I was suffocating. Many times, I wanted to escape everything even my parents and my sister just so I could be free. Yet, I never had the heart to do it.

“You dare to shout at me?” Lucia was furious.

“So what? Why can’t I shout? Are you some ancient Greek goddess that controls our vocal cords?” I yelled back.

“You... You!” Lucia was so angry she couldn’t speak.

“WAHAHAHAHA!” Amelia burst out laughing, holding her stomach and stomping the floor. “'A Greek goddess that controls vocal cords’, how did you even get to that?!”