My Wife’s Best Guy Friend Had Constipation, So I Used Super Glue on Him

“Mateo, this isn’t over!” Lucia looked at me with total disgust. “Get out! I don’t want to see you right now!”

“Don’t be angry, honey. I heard if you get too angry, it can mess with your period cycle.” I pretended to be very worried.

“Get out!” Lucia screamed.

I glared at her for three seconds, before shouting back, “Fine! I’ll leave!”

Then, I left the hospital with Amelia.

***

On our way back home, Amelia laughed the entire time. We were still laughing even when we entered our villa.

“What kind of behavior is this?!” James Northwind’s voice suddenly came from behind us.

“That old bastard was supposed to be abroad. Why is he back?” I whispered.

“Abroad my butt. He went to visit his secret illegitimate son,” Amelia whispered back.

Then she added, “This is a huge secret in the family. I forgot to tell you. When that old geezer falls asleep, I’ll come to your room and spill more of the details.”

A huge secret in the Northwind Family? Interesting.

“It’s so late. Where did you two go?" James asked with a frown.

“Oh, Asher was constipated and used Crazy Glue to deal with his issues. So we took him to the hospital,” I replied.

“What? Why would someone constipated use Crazy Glue? Wouldn’t that… seal everything up?” James looked confused.

“That’s exactly what happened,” I said with a serious face. “But I heard some people enjoy such… uh... pressure? Maybe he has some 'interesting' hobby.”

James blinked. “No, wait. Asher was the one who went to the hospital, right. Why are you the one who take him there?”

“Lucy brought him home. They went straight into my bedroom. Then Lucy suddenly said he was constipated and needed LaxaTube. I went to buy it, but it somehow turned out to be a Crazy Glue,” I said.

“Dad, it really wasn’t me. But if you don’t believe me, fine. I’ll go turn myself in.”

The more I spoke, the darker James’ expression became.

“This is ridiculous! What is happening in this family?!” He stomped his foot, then pointed at me. “And you! She’s your wife! Can’t you control her behavior or somethign?”

“Dad, would you let me control her?” I retorted. “If you give me permission, I’ll handle everything.”

“If not, her bad reputation will sooner or later be used by the board of directors against you.” I looked him straight in the eye. “But Dad, if you really let me manage her, I guarantee Lucia will listen.”

“Fine! Do it! Control her every move!" James shouted and walked away angrily.

“Dear husband, should I accompany you?” Amelia asked softly.

“No need.” James waved her away.

Amelia sighed. “Three years of marriage and I still don’t know what kind of man he is.”

“And why do you think he married you?” I asked, laughing.

Not long after, Lucia came back. She didn’t stay with Asher. In fact, she didn’t seem worried about him at all. It was obvious she only cared about how to punish me.

As soon as she entered the bedroom, she grabbed a leather whip.

“Mateo, you bastard! I gave you a chance to get into our rich family and you still complain?” she added, “You even caused problems for me—do you want to die?!”

“You brought a man home and somehow it’s MY fault?” I refused to back down.

“You and I are not the same! Look at my status! Now, look at yours! You’re just a low-class nobody! You must accept whatever I do!” She screamed as she ran toward me while swinging the whip.

But please, how fast can she be?

Sure, I spent most of my days playing games with Amelia. But, other than that, I did consistent work outs!