I Lost Our Child the Day He Chose Her

I went to close the master bedroom door before heading to the study.

Dean had an entire bookshelf filled with books, and whenever there was a specific book he wanted to read, he would always place it ahead of time in the middle of the rightmost cabinet. I picked up a thick journal and flipped through it wistfully.

October 16, 2014

Wow, the senior playing the violin at the freshman welcome party was incredibly handsome. His name is Dean. I might have a bit of a crush on him.

The pages were filled with all my feelings for him, and on one of them, I had tucked an ultrasound report.

January 19, 2023

Dean and I are going to have a child. I can't wait to share this wonderful news with him.

January 20, 2023

Dean didn’t come home last night. I wanted to text him about my pregnancy, but it felt like something that should be shared face-to-face. He’ll be thrilled; he’s always wanted a child.

January 21, 2023

Dean said he was on a business trip and forgot to tell me. Fine, I'll tell him when he gets back.

January 22, 2023

I saw Marina's post on Instagram. Not sure if it's visible only to me, but Dean was with her, and they went on a getaway. So, it wasn't a business trip after all.

January 23, 2023

Marina called me, saying she wants me to divorce Dean and give him back to her. But wasn’t it her who insisted on going abroad and then left Dean? How do I “give him back” when I didn’t take him away? Her call upset me so much I had stomach pains and had to go to the hospital. The doctor advised me to stay calm, which is easier said than done.

February 24, 2023

Marina said she's divorced, and Dean is going to celebrate with her. My stomach ached again, and I felt nauseous. I drank a herbal brew to protect the baby; it was bitter.

February 26, 2023

Dean told me the office had a gathering, so he wouldn’t be back tonight. But I know he’s seeing Marina. Oh, baby, you might not have a dad because your dad can't resist his old flame.

February 27, 2023

Dean got into a car accident last night. He woke up today and remembers everyone except me. It’s over.

I placed the journal in the center slot of the rightmost bookshelf, ensuring it was positioned lower so he could easily notice it within a couple of months.

The third drawer on the desk was where I kept my personal items. I put the medical records inside and locked it up.

All the repulsive things had to end. I needed to distance myself from everything and everyone unpleasant, including Marina, Dean, and Dean’s pretentious parents.

A jerk won’t change, and I don’t expect him to have a change of heart. But once I leave, I also don’t intend to let them live comfortably.