When His Last Words Didn’t Name Me, I Stopped Trying to Be His Only One

02

02

He glanced down, but his attention was pulled away at once by Ella beside him.

By the time I got home and packed up everything I owned,

Jude finally strolled in.

He pushed the door open, glowing. "Baby! Guess what I brought you!"

The lights were off.

I sat in the dim living room on the couch,

and he froze for a second. Before he could ask anything, someone behind him gave him a shove.

"What are you standing there for? Hurry up and give my Delia her present."

The lights flared on all at once, and he took the custom ring from inside his jacket.

Inside the red velvet box, a platinum band lay quietly, its huge, showy diamond catching the light and glittering.

He reached for my hand, but I slid it away before he could touch it.

Calmly, I asked, "Did you read the text I sent you?"

Understanding crossed Jude's face. "Baby, I didn't ignore your message on purpose. I just landed, my phone was dead."

Ella laughed too. "That's right. You have no idea, Jude almost died getting you that ring."

Fingers caught mine, and the ring slid onto my hand, loose and clearly the wrong size.

Before I could say a word,

Jude and Ella suddenly burst out laughing together.

Their laughter filled the whole apartment, and I was the only one who felt like an outsider.

They had always been like this.

They had their own little secrets,

and every time I looked curious, or itched to be let in, Jude would just smile.

"It's nothing. You wouldn't get it anyway."

But not once had he ever explained.

This time I didn't ask. I only let my eyes settle on the suitcase in the corner.

Three years living together, and there wasn't much I could take. Just that small suitcase in the corner.

So small no one even noticed it.

Jude swept a glance around the room, saw the empty dining table, and frowned. "You didn't cook?"

Ella draped herself over his shoulder. "Then let's eat out. I'm sick of Delia's cooking anyway."

Something on her hand flashed. When I looked closer I saw it was a delicate diamond ring,

clearly expensive, a band ringed with tiny chips of diamond and a glittering red stone at the center.

Seeing my eyes land on her ring,

something flickered, unnatural, across Jude's face. "Fine. Since that's settled, go out and hold a spot for us, and call us when it's almost our turn."

In college, Jude always had one part-time job after another,

so I'd go early to hold a spot and take a number for us. Once, twice, and after enough times it just became understood that I'd go wait first.

Once he'd said his piece, he pulled Ella into the other room to play video games.

Their voices rang bright and lively inside, and it was as if I were the one who didn't belong.

I'd already decided I was through with him, yet my chest still went sour and tight.

I picked up the suitcase and walked slowly out of the place I'd lived in for three years, and at the end I looked long and hard at the two of them laughing inside.

Jude, this time I'm the one letting go of you first.

In the elevator, a little girl tugged gently at her mother's sleeve and said, innocent and bright,

"Mommy! Look, the lady's ring is exactly like mine!"

It was the custom wedding ring I'd forgotten to take off.

But the next second, when I saw clearly what the girl was holding up,

my mind gave a single ringing hum,

because the ring in the child's hand really was identical to the "custom wedding ring" Jude had given me.

The young mother smiled, a little helpless.

"The lady's is a wedding ring, a real diamond. Yours is a fifteen-dollar thing from a street stall. There's no way they're the same."

She smiled at me apologetically and took her child out of the elevator.

As if something moved my hand for me, I slipped off the ring and dug a nail hard across it,

white paint flaking onto my fingertip, showing the dull brass underneath.