When His Last Words Didn’t Name Me, I Stopped Trying to Be His Only One

03

03

I stood there staring at the ring,

and all at once I thought of the ring gleaming on Ella's index finger, and it hit me,

so the so-called custom diamond ring he'd risked his life to get had been on Ella's hand this whole time.

The one on my finger was nothing but a fifteen-dollar knockoff.

I slipped the ring off and set it aside without a second thought.

A light rain was falling outside, and mud splashed up onto me.

I went back to the old house, and the moment my mother saw me, her eyes landed on my suitcase and she frowned.

"Why are you back? Did you fight with your boyfriend?"

I drew a deep breath. "We broke up."

Those three words, and my mother exploded.

"Broke up?! Are you out of your mind? Delia James, you're twenty-eight this year, not eighteen! If you don't marry now you'll be some thirty-year-old old maid!"

"Did you do something wrong again? Get back there and apologize, now!"

Her accusations came at me one after another, almost a roar, as she shoved me hard toward the door.

In that moment all I felt was bone-deep exhaustion.

"Mom, Jude doesn't love me. Even if we married—"

"You still have to marry! Even if you marry and then divorce, that's better than being a worthless girl no one will take!"

I froze where I stood, staring at her in disbelief.

The next second she shoved me hard out the door.

The rain came down harder, and I shivered with cold. The old house was too remote to catch a cab, and it was nearly midnight before I found a run-down little motel.

The sharp reek of mold and the stink from the toilet hit me. I was crammed into a room barely two meters across, so tight I couldn't even stretch my legs without it feeling wrong.

I sank into a fitful sleep until daybreak,

and the next day at work I was still in a daze when I suddenly heard a commotion.

The moment I looked up, my whole body went rigid.

My mother had stormed in, furious, and Jude was right behind her.

"Mom, why are you—"

Smack! Before I could finish, my face took a hard blow.

There was no holding back in that slap. It left my head ringing, and my left cheek swelled up at once.

My coworkers crowded over right away. "Who are you? Why are you hitting her out of nowhere?"

"Leave now or we're calling the police."

"I'm her mother. She did something wrong, so I discipline her! This is our family business, what is there to call about?"

Her words made the room go still, everyone exchanging uneasy glances,

and she jabbed a finger in my face. "A grown woman throwing a jealous fit and demanding a breakup! Take a good look at yourself. Jude's young and already a career star, and you, a little clerk, get to marry him and don't even know to treasure it!"

A coworker tried to reason with her.

"Delia's very good too, she's one of the backbone people at our company—"

"What good does being good do! For a woman, the right path is to marry, have kids, and stay home."

"Running out here to hustle, what's the use? In the end she'll have to come back to the family anyway."

"Why can't you learn a little from Ella? She's so sensible and obedient! If it were her, she'd never make a jealous scene like this."

"There's a man who wants you now, so quit acting up! Do you have any idea, if it weren't for you, you worthless girl, that no-good father of yours never would have run off! If you can't get yourself married, I won't own you as my daughter—"

The uglier her words got, the louder she got,

and every coworker in the office wore the same awkward look.

I felt like a soft shellfish stripped of its shell,

the tender flesh inside stabbed to pulp by her, cut after cut, until not a shred of my pride was left.

My eyes fell on Jude. He watched me quietly, and there was satisfaction in them.

I knew he'd seen the breakup text, and I knew he was the one who'd brought my mother here to make this scene.

I'd thought I would be heartbroken, that I'd scream back at them,

but it turned out that when disappointment reaches its limit, a person can go utterly calm instead.

I heard my own voice, tired and even.

"So what is it you want from me?"