Forbidden Cravings (M&M)

“Tsk! You know I'd never be attracted to you, even if I were straight, let alone now that I'm gay. Cover up and save that act for your boyfriend, the only one who'd actually fall for it," Evans said to Megan Jones as he moved her from in front of the door and into her apartment. He then headed for the closet to get some slippers, not noticing the bitter look on her face.

Behind him, Megan stood with her fists clenched, staring at his back. She had never understood how Evan could never seem to notice her body as other men did. She knew that she was beautiful, and she had often seen guys change their taste for her. But not Evans. He was always so impassive, like nothing fazed him.

With the weight of his exhaustion finally setting in, Evan collapsed onto the sofa. "You won't believe the kind of night I just had."

“You know me,” Megan said, tossing him a bottle of water. “I'm always here to help someone out when they need a friend. Now, tell me what's going on.”

"So, where have you been? You look exhausted. Did your family give you trouble again?" she asked, knowing just how his family could be.

"Who cares about them? They are all worked up, calling people and searching for their 'precious baby,' who isn't missing but ran off with some other guy," Evan replied, irritation strong in his voice.

She sat on the couch, crossing her legs in a manner that revealed much more skin. "So, where are you coming from? It isn't like you to simply drop by for a pajama party.

"I went to see him. I wanted to know how he's doing," Evan said forthrightly. And because Evan had never kept anything from Megan and treated her more like family than a blood relation, she knew almost everything there was to know about him.

“Him? You mean Nathan Collins? How's he doing?" Megan asked, her hands secretly tightening into fists. She had to fight to keep her tone calm, though she was used to hearing about Nathan.

"That moron got himself utterly trashed. I found him drunk and injured, bleeding from his hands, and he wouldn't let me help him. He even mistook me for Jesse," Evan fumed, pacing across the room. "I had to show him a recording to snap him out of it. I just can't stand watching him lose himself over someone who isn't worth it. It's pathetic."

His eyes caught Megan's pained expression, and in a split second, he felt a surge of worry. "What is it, Megan? Did something happen?" he asked as he approached her.

"Oh, it is nothing, you were saying something about Nathan?" Megan composed herself all of a sudden and gestured for him to carry on.

“He was so shocked when he heard the recording, and I thought that finally he would snap out of it. But then he said that Jesse was worth it. Can you believe that? He blamed himself for getting cheated on, like it was his fault, and then he said that I wouldn't understand what it was like to be 'brought back from the dead.”

Megan sat up in bed, her eyes wide. "Brought back from the dead? And he was talking about Jesse and not you?"

"Yeah, would you believe it? It just so happened that Jesse and I had saved his life at one time or another, but he chose Jesse. Not me," Evan related, his voice cracking as he pressed a hand on his chest. "It hurts, Megan. It hurts so much.”

Megan's heart also ached as she listened to Evan cry. It was almost laughable. Here she was pining for a guy in love with someone else, and that someone else was in love with yet another person. But she could not be able to stop loving Evan, even though he didn't and couldn't love her back. What type of person did that make her?

“So, what's your plan? As he's clearly not leaving your brother anytime soon, what's next?" Megan asked, her voice came out colder than she had meant.

"What choice do I have? I cannot forget him, and I'm not falling for anyone else. I'm obsessed," Evan admitted, covering his face with his hands.

"Same here," she whispered to herself, her eyes welling up with tears. "I'm obsessed, too. I'd do anything to get you, even if that means destroying the person who's hurt you."

*************

The following morning, Evan sat in class, his eyes fixed on some far-off point outside the window. His mind was a thousand miles away from where his physical form rested, and he didn't listen to a single word spoken in the lecture. It was all Nathan.

Was he okay? Had he tended his wounds? Had he eaten? His mind was so preoccupied that he didn't even realize when the lecture ended and the room began to empty.

“Evan! What are you thinking about?" a voice startled him back to reality.

He looked around and found the classroom empty and turned to see his friend Leo standing by the door. Evans rubbed his forehead and let out a sigh. "Nothing, Leo. I'm fine," he said as he began gathering up his things.

“You don't look fine. You've been out of it for days, man. Today you didn't even notice when the lecture ended.” Leo stopped then looked at Evans in suspicion.

“Really, are you sure you're okay? If you want, you can talk to me,” Leo added.

He knew Leo was only trying to be helpful, but they weren't close enough to share personal troubles. "I'm fine, thanks for asking. I just got a lot on my mind," Evan replied as he patted Leo on his shoulder.

“Okay, man, if you ever need to talk, I'm here," Leo said. "Are you going to the clinic today? I need to pick up some herbs for my stomach problems, and I could use your help. You know your way around there better than I do.".

"Not today, Leo. I have to go somewhere. But don't worry, the clinic is only selling the real deal, and you're gonna be alright. See you around," Evan said, hurrying out of the classroom.

He hailed a taxi to Nathan's apartment and stared out the window the whole time. He had woken that morning at Megan's place, they'd both fallen asleep on the couch. Cleaning up, making a simple breakfast, he'd felt an overwhelming need to check on Nathan again.

When he arrived at the apartment, he let himself inside with the spare key. All was as he had left it the previous day—still and silent. Sullenly quiet, to be precise. Anxiety nibbled at his skin as he made his way through the lounge and up the stairs. He rapped on Nathan's bedroom door, but heard nothing. Trying the handle, he discovered it unlocked.

Evan entered the room and stood stock still. Nathan was lying on the floor, a sea of empty bottles surrounding him. A wave of fury washed over Evan as he marched across the room and kicked Nathan's leg. "You're a mess. This is what you've become? Pathetic," he sneered, bending down to drag him to his feet.

"Leave me…alone," Nathan slurred in a weak voice.

Evan ignored him, dragging Nathan onto the bed. But before he could take a step back, Nathan suddenly reached out and pulled him into his lips. Evan's mind went blank. For a second, he didn't know whether to push him away or take it. Before he knew what he was doing, he found himself responding to the kiss, holding on to Nathan's neck as if that were the most natural thing in the world.

Nathan's kisses grew deeper and desperate, trailing down Evan's neck. Evan felt a shiver at the touch as his hands tangled in Nathan's hair. The moment seemed so unreal, like it was happening to someone else altogether.

Then, Nathan's voice cut through the haze of desire. It sounds husky in Evan's ear. "I want you," he said, and without waiting for an answer, started to pull the clothes off Evan.

Evan's heart pounded as he lay back, body trembling with anticipation. He knew it was wrong, deep inside, Nathan wasn't truly seeing him at this moment, just a stand-in for another. But for tonight, Evan didn't care. For tonight, he would allow himself to pretend.

What would come of it? Would it bring them closer together, or would this only succeed in driving them further apart? He didn't know, and just for this instant, he chose not to think about it. All he wanted was for this night to remain in his mind.