Ex-husband's Regrets Worth Nothing

Faith's Point of View

After Atlas's unwanted visit earlier, I'd lost my focus on work. I couldn't do my job well, and it frustrated the hell out of me. I knew I had to go somewhere to clear my head, so I left the office late in the afternoon and went to my favorite place—a secluded hill on the outskirts of the City.

It was the perfect place with an excellent view of what I was about to do. Drink and scream at the world.

"Damn you, Atlas! Damn you!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

I couldn't control the pain anymore. I had to vent everything out, or else my grudges would consume me. They had hurt me enough for years, but that bastard just wouldn't let me be.

Funny how life could sometimes be unpredictable. I didn't expect to arrive at this point of my life, living only by anger.

Sometimes, I've wondered when the past would stop latching on me. But I'm only hurting my head from thinking about something uncertain.

"Mommy..." I muttered as I looked at the bustling night cityscape and burst out laughing.

I once imagined getting married to someone I love. That we'd create a family of our own, and one day a little boy would come running into my arms, calling me that dearly.

However, I wouldn't be so sure about that now. I'm no longer the foolish woman who'd believe in such things.

I opened a can of beer and drowned my woes with its bitter malty taste. Looking back, I didn't know what bitter tasted like until Atlas left five years ago. We didn't break up, but I hoped we did at that time. Perhaps things would have been different than now.

The memory of me crying in his arms was still vivid in my mind.

"I'm gonna miss you so much," I sobbed, hugging him tightly. I didn't care if I was making a scene at the airport back then. Seeing him leave broke my heart apart.

"I'm gonna miss you too, my badass angel," he sweetly whispered back.

I didn't want to let him go. He was my world, my obsession. How would I live without him by my side?

"Baby, you have to let me go. It's time for my flight," he said, kissing my head.

I hugged him tighter and continued sobbing.

'Just a bit more,' I thought until he broke the hug and cupped my face.

A warm smile swept across his face, and he kissed me on my forehead.

"Stop crying, Angel. I'll call you once I've arrived, I promise," he said, wiping the streams of tears off my face.

I nodded and then smiled.

"Now give me my kiss," he smirked and kissed me passionately on my lips which I, lovestruck, returned.

"Take care and call me, okay?" I said while sniffing my tears back.

He chuckled and pecked my lips once, twice, and then thrice. I remember giggling when Atlas did that. He always managed to make me laugh whenever I started crying.

"I will, and you also take care," he said playfully, pinching my cheeks.

"Don't create any problems for the teachers, you trouble maker," he added, making me chuckle.

He then turned to Melissa, who stood there watching us.

"Come here, Mel," Atlas said with open arms. She ran towards him and hugged him tightly, making him laugh.

"I will miss you, Mel. Try and control this troublemaker. I don't want her getting into fights while I'm not here," he told her.

She nodded. "I'll miss you, Atlas. Make sure to call us once you get there," she said in a sweet voice.

It was such a gloomy day for all of us that I thought nothing of it when Atlas kissed her forehead. Melissa was my best friend, and like a sister to us, it was normal for a brother to treat his sister warmly.

But that was just what I thought. I should have held on to that flag when they goddamn raised it.

Melissa and I watched Atlas waving at us, boarding his flight through the gates until we could no longer see him.

That scene of him leaving was so sad that I cried again.

"He will be fine. He will come back as a very successful man," Melissa comforted my heart as she hugged me from the side.

"Yeah. He sure will..." I answered weakly and gazed into the sky.

Time went by quickly. The days of Atlas and I, loving each other far apart, turned into weeks and months.

I began to miss him badly, his cuddles, touch, kisses, and teasing. I missed him so much that we'd call and facetime each other almost daily. He'd always make time for me despite his tight schedule.

Well, ain't he a loving guy.

One time, Atlas got swamped with his workload and we didn't get to talk for a week. I understood his circumstances, yet I couldn't bear not hearing his voice for that long, so I checked up on him.

He was tired, but he looked delighted when he heard my voice.

"How was work?" I asked him. He sighed and lay on his bed.

"Tiring, but good," he answered with a yawn.

"Aw. Is my baby tired? Gosh, I want to cuddle up with you right now." I sounded crazy talking babyish, but at least I've made him chuckle.

"Same here, babe. I want to hide my face in your neck and take in your beautiful scent. I've missed you so much, my angel," he said, blowing me a kiss on the phone.

"I miss you too," I longingly told him back.

"When will you come back home?" I asked with a slight frown.

"I don't know, babe. Maybe in a few years?" he answered, looking uncertain.

"What?! A Few years?!" I yelled in shock.

I didn't know we'd be that apart for long. I thought he'd be able to come home, even if only once a year. Didn't he promise me he would?

"Babe, calm down. I promise I'll come back to meet you every month," he said with a sad smile.

"I can't live without you, Atlas. I could hold on for days, weeks, heck, even months! But years? I'll probably die by then." I sighed.

"Don't you dare talk about death Fai!" His voice rose a little, snapping me out of it.

"You are my life. Even death can't do us apart. Just wait for me, okay? I will come back for you, and then we can get married, and then we'll make a cute football team," he said, winking at me.

"You want to marry me?" I exclaimed in surprise. He rolled his eyes at me and brought the phone closer to his face.

"Of course, I will. I will make sure you marry me. I am the only man for you, and you will be the mother of our cute children," he said earnestly, making me blush.

Didn't that just sound like a proposal?

I heard him chuckle after seeing my blush. I'd laugh too. I looked red as a tomato.

"Wait for me, baby. Time will fly. I'll soon come to you on my horse and then take you away with me," he teased, making me laugh.

"I love you so so so much, my badass angel," he said and then yawned.

"I love you too, my corny devil, and good night. You must be tired. I'll call you tomorrow," I said, kissing him on the phone.

"Love you, good night, baby," he whispered and disconnected the call.

I fell back on my bed, sighing, and then dreamt of the day we would get married, go on a honeymoon, and have kids. I was probably blushing even in my sleep.

However, that was the first and last time we talked about it.

Six months later, I was back at the airport, seeing another away.

I was crying while saying goodbye to Melissa.

"Mel, do you have to go?" I asked, greatly saddened.

Mel cupped my cheeks apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Fai. I wish I could stay, but my aunt is the only family I have left. I need to be there with her. I'll be back, I promise," she said with a sad smile.

I sighed and looked away. How could I possibly take her away from the last family she had? But it was sad knowing I'd be left by them alone.

"First Atlas and now you. Why does it have to be in New York?" I huffed.

Thinking about it, I didn't see what her expression looked like after I said that. I even wished her aunt well and sent her off with care.

Seeing the people I care about leave without knowing when we'd see each other again was painful.

I wasn't practically alone. I still had my parents, two protective older brothers, and Atlas's parents with me here in London. But those two were once the most important people in my life.

Fuck! I should've known. I shouldn't have been too trusting, especially when Atlas offered to pick up Melissa at the airport.

Yes, I shouldn't have trusted Melissa.

Time passed in a blur, and Atlas and Melissa had been in New York for a year.

I've felt Atlas and me slowly drifting apart during that time. He started to distance himself from me for an unknown reason. Our texts, calls, and facetime calls were reducing day by day.

At first, I thought it was because he was busy. But I was sure he wasn't that busy that he couldn't even spare two minutes to talk to me.

Melissa was the only person who would talk to me at that lonely time. But that, too, also stopped.

She did tell me once her Aunty was going through surgery, so I didn't want to annoy her. I just missed them so much.

I was in London while they were in the same city together. They would even spend time together, and here I am, dying without them two.

Atlas had also begun behaving strangely with me. He sounded bored and different whenever we talked. As if he was already tired of me.

I felt a stab in my heart, thinking he might have found another girl. I didn't want to believe it, of course. I knew Atlas would never cheat on me.

He made me a promise and always told me he loved me. I trusted him even though I'd never heard those words from him lately.

I passed off the first few times he sent me that feeling as having lonely blues. People tend to exaggerate things when they are anxious. And yes, he made me uneasy.

Whenever I would call or text him, he would always say he was busy. He didn't even have time for me anymore. That thought upset me, and I started holing up in my room. It went to the point that I made my family worried about me.

One day, I went out of my room to clear my head. I didn't want to continue being depressed.

"Hey, baby sis, what's up?" my older brother Noah asked, having heard me sigh.

He sat beside me in the living room, playing on his phone, while I stared at mine, waiting for a call.

"Nothing, just bored," I lied.

"Have you talked with Atlas and Melissa?" he asked, not taking his eyes off his phone.

"No, apparently, they are too busy even to make time for me," My voice dwindled as I lied again. But it was true when I said they didn't have time for me.

"Hey, don't get upset." This time, Noah looked at me and smiled.

"We're here for you, plus they are your best friends. I'm sure they'll make time. So, cheer up, sis." Noah nudged me, which somehow brought the laughter back to me.

But I didn't laugh for a good reason. Neither my family nor Atlas's family knew of our relationship. They just think we're tightly close friends.

Except Mrs. Williams had been shipping Atlas and me since we were in our mothers' womb.

Another year went by, and our long-distance relationship had its second anniversary. Atlas had been colder to me.

"Atlas, it's been two years. You have also stopped visiting me," I called him and complained.

"I'm busy, Faith. I don't have time to chat with you," he said coldly. I frowned.

"Atlas, what's wrong with you? Why are you acting like that? Have you found someone else?" I said furiously.

"Shut Up, Faith!" He yelled, and I froze in shock.

"Stop acting like a controlling, possessive girlfriend! I have a life here! I have a job unlike you, who lives off your parents' money!"

I was horrified and frightened as he continued to yell at me. He changed. He treated me indifferently, as if I was a stranger. It felt like he was cruelly carving my heart out of my chest.

"Now stop annoying me! I am busy." He disconnected the call leaving me petrified.

"Controlling possessive girlfriend? Seriously?" I scoffed.

Tears swelled in my eyes, recalling his words.

What happened to my Atlas?

Then one day, I heard he was coming back after five long years.

I was so happy when Mr. and Mrs. Willaims called me telling me that Atlas was coming back.

After he dropped that call, our communication ceased for three years. Still, I never stopped hoping he'd come back for me. I held on to his promise like crazy.

"Fai! He's here!" Mrs. Williams yelled from downstairs, making me blush.

It's been three years since I haven't seen his face. My man sure had become famous. I was so proud of him. He was finally the CEO of one of Mr. Bailey's companies and owned many other clubs, restaurants, and high-rise buildings.

Atlas was all over the papers, and girls were going crazy after him. I used to scoff at that thought. Atlas belonged to me, but I wondered if that was why he distanced himself from us.

Was it because he became a famous businessman?

I had plenty of questions in mind as I ran down the stairs in excitement, ready to meet the love of my life, the man I had waited for all my life.

He promised he would come back for me. He told me to wait for him, which I did for five years, and finally, that day arrived.

But damn, I was wrong about everything. There I was, desperately longing for Atlas, but my soul seemed to have escaped into the atmosphere at what I saw.

"Congratulations on your wedding, son. You and Melissa look gorgeous together," Mrs. Williams said, looking at the couple with adoration and love while my heart and mind shattered.

I felt numb. I couldn't even feel my tears as they fell like a waterfall from my eyes.

Married. He was married!

The confusion kept ringing in my head. I didn't know what to make of that betrayal as I looked at him with immense pain.

Suddenly his eyes locked with mine making my heart freeze. I saw a flash of pain in his eyes, but he quickly replaced it with coldness. He looked at me blankly as if he didn't care. And he didn't care about how I felt.

My five-year-long faithfulness got thrown in the dumps when he came home married to someone else. And not just any woman. It was with my best friend, Melissa.

I looked at my friend in disgust, and she looked at me, flashing an evil smirk.

I've run out of space in my head for asking the question, why. My world died down from the confusion and pain. I barely even heard Mr. Williams as he talked to his son.

We were all distraught. None of us knew. None of them told us what they'd planned on doing. They came back, and we were forced to deal with it. Especially me.

I remember the kind of look he had on me at that time. It was cold, dark, frightening, and indifferent. He didn't answer his father when he asked why and said nothing. Atlas only looked at me with raging eyes as if he wasn't looking at a human being.

As I recall that disgusting gaze, I couldn't help crushing the beer can with my bare hands.

Was my love a joke to him?

He seemed hilarious more than I am.

I couldn't help but laugh. The nerve of him barging with his son into my office, donning a pained look in his eyes!

He was acting like I was the villain that wronged him.

"Fuck you, Atlas Williams! Am I a joke to you? Was my heart just a game to you? Fuck you! Get off my back, will you?! Why are you still bugging me, bastard? Go die a thousand times and go to hell!" I screamed until I lost my breath.

You heard that right. To hell with him.