Burning the Fire of Hell in Marriage

“WHAT THE HELL, FELIX?!”

My outcry made Felix turn his head and finally realize my presence. He looked surprised and immediately released his grip on the strange woman. But then he put his index finger on his lips, signaling me not to make a fuss.

Has Felix gone crazy? She told me to be quiet when she saw my husband hugging another woman in our room. I just screamed, which meant I could still control my anger. I could have taken the scissors in the closet and stabbed her right then. At least I was still trying to be sane when my heart wanted to go crazy.

“You cheated on me in front of me, and you asked me to be quiet? Where are your senses, Felix?” My anger was starting to peak.

I could see Felix's face panicked at my presence. He left the bed carefully so his movements wouldn't wake the woman beside him. Ah, how caring that man was. But for other women.

Felix came over to me and immediately pulled me away from the room.

“Alice, Clara is sleeping. Please don’t scream,” Felix whispered.

Felix cut my heart by saying Clara, a name that was very familiar to me. I didn’t know how that woman suddenly came back into my husband’s life or if Felix had never really left Clara and was still in touch with her behind my back.

“Your ex-girlfriend?” I asked, confirming with a raging feeling.

Felix nodded slowly, full of guilt. He held my hand to assure me there was nothing between them. The thing was, I had seen him hugging Clara. And the underwear I found at Felix’s workplace wouldn’t make me believe they were no longer in a relationship.

“Why marry me if you still love Clara, Felix?” I asked, full of hurt.

Our marriage was the result of an arranged match by Felix’s family. They never approved of Felix’s relationship with Clara, so they chose me to be Felix’s wife. Yeah, then their relationship broke up while they still loved each other.

“I don’t love her anymore.” Felix stared at me sharply.

“But you hugged her in front of me!” I raised my voice again.

Felix exhaled slowly. “Alice, lower your voice!” he reprimanded gently.

“Then what should I do? Should I join you two and hug you, too, Felix?” I couldn’t. My calmness was gone, and I only worried about losing Felix forever.

I hadn’t even had time to tell Felix that I was pregnant with his child.

Felix didn’t seem to understand what I meant. I didn’t know why he suddenly became so stupid. If only he could position himself as me and see me sleeping in our bridal room with another man, would he act calmly as if he hadn’t seen anything?

“I’m sorry,” said Felix, pulling his ear with his hands. His face did not understand my anger at all, but he apologized.

He gently rubbed my cheek. “I haven’t told you about Clara,” he continued, now showing a sorry face.

“What is it? Do you want to admit that you had an affair?” I replied quickly.

“Clara is pregnant with my child, Alice. She’s seven months pregnant.”

When I heard Felix's confession, I was struck like a lightning bolt. He said it without looking at me but gripped my hand tightly. Instantly, I pushed his hand away and walked backward, feeling a tightness in my chest.

Felix had never told me before that he had had sex with Clara. We had been together since we were children, and there had never been the slightest secret between us, except for my feelings for him, which had grown in the last fifteen years.

This time, I couldn’t say anything. I was so devastated to receive a gift that repeatedly hurt me.

“Alice, I didn’t expect anything like this to happen either.” Felix came closer again and tried to hug me.

“Let go!” I shouted at him in disappointment.

“I swear, Alice. I didn’t know about it until a few months ago when she came to me and told me about her pregnancy.”

“Then what business is it of yours? Clara has a husband, doesn’t she? It could be their child. Why do you believe that?”

Felix nodded in agreement. “But she got married five months ago. Meanwhile, she is seven months pregnant. Then, today, she met me at the office and said her husband divorced her. I felt guilty about that and...”

“And you intend to beat her to make up for your mistake?” I cut his word in quickly.

I never expected something like this to happen to me. I trusted Felix when he said that he could accept me and that he already loved me, even though, at first, he only thought of me as his younger sister. But what I saw Felix doing with Clara just now made me regret trusting him.

“No - no, Alice. I’ll only be with her until she gives birth.” Felix denied my statement.

He gently wiped away my tears. But his tenderness meant nothing because he had already broken him.

“How will you take care of her? You have a family, too, Felix.” I brushed aside his rough hand.

“I’m not leaving anyone, Alice. You’ll stay with me. I’ll just let her stay here until she gives birth. I promise.”

Was Felix serious about what he said? Just seeing Clara made me depressed, let alone living with her. Maybe I would stay with Felix, but being between Felix and Clara was too painful.

“If Alice doesn’t allow it, it’s okay, Felix. I can go to a shelter or live on the streets.” Clara came over to us.

Felix turned and shook his head at Clara. “No, Clara. You’re going to stay here. This is my house, so don’t worry.” He calmed Clara down but didn’t calm me down.

“But Alice...”

“Alice is my business. Come on, I’ll take you back to rest.” Felix embraced Clara, and they left.

I sat on the floor, limp. Felix had said that he no longer loved Clara. But with Clara’s return to his life, I was confident that his old love would grow back. No way that wouldn’t happen.

Then, I would be the one to be cast away.