After Two Lost Babies, I Walked Away

Back then, I never caught the tenderness buried under those words.

Looking back now, I understand.

He'd been enjoying all of it.

Because he enjoyed it, he indulged her.

Because he loved her, he gave in willingly.

And my devotion, my years at his side, were nothing but one act in their twisted little love story.

The ache in my chest was unbearable. I pulled away from Mervyn's reach.

The blood pooled in my palm dripped to the floor with the motion.

Mervyn finally noticed the cut, and his expression snapped tight with worry.

"How did this happen?"

"Honestly, what am I going to do with you? You're hurt, and you don't even think to tell me?"

I had told him. No one had ever cared.

There was a time one of Mervyn's enemies came after me. It was dire.

I called him dozens of times. He never picked up.

I only learned the truth after I'd already been admitted to the hospital.

Victoria had lured those people to me on purpose.

She'd faked being sick, taken Mervyn's phone, and blocked every message I sent.

Because of that, I lost our first child.

When Mervyn found out the truth, he was wracked with guilt.

But the moment I actually asked him to punish Victoria,

that guilt curdled into impatience.

I should have understood it even then.

The person he truly loved, deep down, had never been me.

And the unloved never earn the right to be willful.

Still, better to understand it now than never.

I drew my hand back and dressed the wound myself, under Mervyn's gaze.

Mervyn watched me for a long while.

His eyes held heartache, and guilt.

And something else I couldn't read.

But I had no desire to keep tangling myself up in this.

Before he could speak again, I turned away first.

"It's nothing serious. Go to sleep."

"You've got Victoria's mess to clean up tomorrow."

Mervyn knew he was in the wrong, and didn't know how to coax me back into a better mood.

He hesitated for a long time, then only let out a quiet sigh.

"All right. Get some rest."

"Since you don't want to see me, I'll sleep in the study tonight."

"If there's anything you need from me, just say the word."

There was no need.

From now on, I would never need him again.

Back in my room,

I cancelled the honeymoon trip we'd planned and called my mother, an ocean away.

When I'd finished telling her everything, she let out a long sigh.

"I told you from the start that Mervyn couldn't be trusted. You just wouldn't listen."

"Well, here we are. You got your heart trampled, didn't you?"

"Forget it. Come home once you've had enough of all this. Your father and I miss you so much."

"And don't grieve too hard. Wounds always heal in the end."

Yes. Wounds always heal in the end.

Just as the feelings I had for him would, in the end, be laid down.

I looked at the plane ticket my mother had sent me.

Something cracked open in my chest, and the tears wouldn't stop falling.

For myself, and for the past ten years.

I didn't sleep a wink all night.

By the time I got up, Mervyn had already left.

On the coffee table in the living room sat a brand-new diamond ring.

He was always like this.

Every time Victoria finished one of her scenes, he'd offer me some kind of compensation.

Flowers. Handbags. Diamond rings.

Anything, except sending Victoria away.

If neither of them could let the other go, then I'd let them have each other.

I packed my things and went to the hospital alone.

Halfway there, a red sports car came barreling straight at me.

I couldn't get out of the way. My whole body slammed hard against the ground.

In an instant, the world spun upside down.

Violent pain tore through me, sinking from every limb deep into my core.