After Two Lost Babies, I Walked Away

I forced my head up.

It was Victoria behind the wheel.

She stepped out of the driver's seat, expression unmoved, and drove her heel into my belly.

"You filthy slut. Using that brat in your stomach to steal my Mervyn away."

"Today I'm going to kill this bastard child, and bring my Mervyn back to me!"

Blood poured between my legs in great dark waves.

The pain wrung tears from my eyes.

I wanted to tell her I didn't want Mervyn anymore.

In a few hours I'd be gone, and I would never come back.

I wanted to beg her—just to call the hospital for me.

My body had stopped being able to bear any more.

But the pain was so fierce I couldn't get out a single word.

Victoria's face twisted, uglier by the second.

Just as I thought I would black out for good—

Mervyn burst out of nowhere and shoved her back.

The two of them started shouting.

But I couldn't hear any of it anymore.

My world dissolved into a hollow blur.

Love. Mervyn. My child.

And the cherry blossoms scattered across the ground.

All of it drifted away with them, gone without a trace.

When I woke again, I was in the hospital.

The baby was gone.

I had braced myself to lose him.

But I never imagined it would be in a way this brutal.

Mervyn wore the same guilt he had worn back then.

He held my hand, his voice soft and soothing.

"I never thought Victoria would do something so rash."

"This time, I promise I'll teach her a lesson."

A lesson? Spare me.

If Mervyn hadn't indulged her, how would Victoria ever have dared go this far.

He could never bring himself to truly punish her.

The same way he had never once cared about me.

My heart had ached past the point of feeling.

I closed my eyes and laid a hand over my flat stomach.

"That was the second one."

"What?"

Mervyn had forgotten.

This was the second child of ours to die at Victoria's hands.

He had a habit of overlooking anything that had to do with me.

Of overlooking the love for him that was slowly withering inside me.

This time, I wasn't going to swallow it.

I drew a deep breath and lifted my eyes to him.

"I'm calling the police."

"I'm going to make Victoria pay for what she's done!"

"That's impossible!"

Mervyn pulled his hand back at once.

"Doing this would ruin the rest of her life!"

"Then who's going to answer for the rest of mine!"

The pain in my body reached all the way down into my heart.

It hurt until I was shaking everywhere.

"The doctor said my body's been badly damaged. I'll likely never be able to have children again!"

"Everything I've lost—who can give that back to me?!"

Victoria couldn't. Neither could Mervyn.

He couldn't even offer an answer to the question.

After a long silence, he finally spoke, slow and quiet.

"Victoria only did it because she loves me too much."

"You're about to become Mrs. Stephens. Don't hold this against her."

I hadn't held things against her before because I loved him.

Loved him enough that I never wanted to put him in a hard spot.

But now, that love was gone.

Every bit of my devotion, every bit of my longing for Mervyn.

All of it had died that night, beneath the cherry tree.

I had no wish to cling to the empty title of Mrs. Stephens in exchange for that pitiful scrap of mercy.

I was leaving this place. For good.

After Mervyn left, I called the police.

At four that afternoon, Victoria was arrested.

At five, Mervyn bailed her out.

At five-ten, a message from Mervyn came through.

“Why did you call the police? Do you have any idea how much you've hurt Victoria?”

“She broke down at the station and hasn't stopped crying. Get over here and apologize to her, now!”

I didn't reply.

At 5:20, Mervyn sent another line.

“If you won't come, I'll have to find another way to make it up to her.”

I still didn't reply.

At 6:10, Mervyn sent me a video.

He and Victoria had held a grand, lavish wedding in a church.

She wore the gown that had been mended.

They used the designs I'd drawn for my own wedding.

Even the guests were the friends we'd shared.

Mervyn had cleaned out every flower in the city, bought the largest diamond ring there was.

The two of them swore their vows before the minister.

And in Victoria's favorite song, they simply held each other.

The wedding I'd waited ten years for and never gotten.

Victoria had gotten it in under an hour.

A mouthful of blood surged up and spilled onto the floor by the bed.

The nurse beside me jumped, reaching to take me for an exam right away.

I pushed her hand aside and shook my head.

“No need.”

My flight was about to take off.

From this day on, I would never grieve over Mervyn again.

Numbly, I packed my things, and on the phone screen

I took one last look at the wedding that had never belonged to me.

Fireworks bloomed one after another over the city.

They were proof of their love.

And the curtain falling on whatever we'd had.

It was over. All of it.

I lay back in the first-class seat and slowly closed my eyes.

Below the clouds.

Mervyn's heart gave a sudden, sharp throb.