After My Love Said Goodbye, I Found Freedom

Asa Clark and I have known each other since childhood. Our mothers were best friends, so naturally, we often played together. I remember Asa’s parents jokingly referred to me as their "future daughter-in-law." My own parents would laugh and say, "Maybe Asa will marry little Loretta when they grow up."

I’m not sure if Asa ever took those words seriously, but I did—I kept them close to my heart. However, when I was in first grade, my parents had to relocate to Manchester for work, and we lost touch with the Clarks.

Tragically, not long after, my parents passed away in an accident. I became a child without a home until the Clarks took me in. That’s when Asa and I reconnected. Whether it was out of pity or a sense of responsibility, after we graduated college, he proposed marriage. So just like that, we ended up together, as if by default.

At first, I was always insecure, thinking that someone as handsome and talented as him deserved a better partner. But Asa would reassure me, telling me not to worry and that I was the only bride he wanted.

I had been studying ballet since I was young, dreaming of becoming the principal dancer in a prestigious company. But Asa didn’t want me in the spotlight. So, out of love for him, I gave up performing and settled for working backstage. Back then, I naively believed his possessiveness meant he couldn’t stand the thought of me dancing for others.

Just when I thought we were heading toward marriage, Ellie Perkins returned from studying abroad. It was then I discovered that after we moved, Asa had grown close to Ellie and they’d stayed connected for over a decade, not becoming a couple only because of our parents’ joking promise.

Initially, Asa was often impatient with me. I understood he held me responsible; he believed that if I hadn’t been in the picture, he could have been with Ellie freely. But over time, he seemed to grow accustomed to my presence, maybe out of pity or because I was always attentive and put him first. He was touched by this and softened toward me, which I mistakenly took for love.

I now realize that what I perceived as love was merely one-sided. Asa’s reluctance for me to be in the spotlight wasn’t about love; he was afraid I’d embarrass him. In his mind, I could never measure up to Ellie. Now that I see things clearly, I refuse to lose myself for anyone. I’ve come to believe that letting go might be the real path to freedom.