Adapting and Evolving for Love

Roy came back in the early morning.

I was in a daze and didn't want to open my eyes.

He sat by the bed and looked at me quietly for a while. Suddenly, he whispered, "Vivian, I'm drunk."

What does it have to do with me? It's late at night. Do you expect me to get up and make you hangover soup?

I had no intention of arguing with him. I didn't want to question him hysterically, and I didn't even bother to open my eyes to see what he was like now.

Now that I thought about it, when I went crazy in the middle of the night and shouted at him with disheveled hair, I was indeed like a shrew.

No wonder Roy was so bored.

After sitting there for a while and still not receiving a response from me, Roy got up and went to the guest room.

When we had a cold war, we slept in separate rooms. Fortunately, the smell of alcohol all over his body made my nose uncomfortable.

I fell asleep again and had good dreams.

The next morning, when Roy woke up, I was about to change my clothes and go out.

He glanced at the empty dining table. There was no breakfast on it. He had a stomachache, so I got up early every day to cook millet porridge for him. Even when we had a cold war, I would not forget it.

"Morning." I nodded and greeted him.

"Yesterday, Abby and I were just playing a game. Everyone was egging her on. She's just a girl. I can't embarrass her. She suffers from depressive disorder. I can't let her be stimulated."

"I understand. It's a game." I smiled. "You said it before. It's getting late. I'll be leaving first."

Roy grabbed my arm and said, "Let me drive you..."

I withdrew my hand and declined his offer. "No need. It's the morning rush hour."

I suddenly remembered that when I first started working, I always hoped that Roy could drive me to work. It was not only a way to be clingy for a while, but also a way to declare sovereignty.

However, Roy had only driven me twice, but later on, he refused with the excuse of "not being on the way during the morning rush hour".

Later, even if I couldn't get a taxi on a rainy day, he wouldn't drive me. "If you can't get a taxi, you can take the subway," he said.

It was clear that he didn't care if I was going to be late, if I got wet, or perhaps, he simply didn't care about me at all.

Roy's face darkened when he heard that. "Abby has invited a group of friends who grew up together to dinner today."

I nodded. "Okay, have fun then."

"Don't you have anything else to say?" Roy frowned and said in a slightly angry voice.

I looked at him in confusion. I had become the obedient person he desired. Why was he still angry?

As soon as I got home in the evening, I received a photo from Roy.

In the photo, besides him and Abby, there was also a large group of friends. I was a little surprised. He had never done such a thing in the past. Every time I found some clues and asked him hysterically, forcing him to give me an answer, he said impatiently, "I didn't say it because I was afraid that you would think too much!"

It seemed that it was all my fault.

I hummed a song and prepared dinner for myself.

Roy was picky. For the sake of his health, I always racked my brains and cooked for him in different ways.

This meal was all up to me. I could add whatever seasoning I want, and I could change the way I eat. I didn't have to sit upright. I could watch the TV series and laugh heartily while eating.

It turned out that not having to cater to Roy's moods was such a liberating experience.

It seemed that my life in the past was just an accessory to Roy. The only focus of my life was him.

Every day in the past, I thought about whether he had read the jokes I sent him, and If they had brought him even a moment of joy. I wondered what delicious food I should make for him in the evening, whether to include a dessert, and if I should iron his suits and shirts. I constantly checked if I had ordered any stomach-nourishing snacks...

Oh my god, what kind of love brain did I have in the past to be so selfless?

I almost lived as Roy's nanny, and everything was based on his preferences. I even thought that when we got married, I would be a full-time housewife and take care of him wholeheartedly.

The worth of one's efforts and sacrifices lied in receiving an equal measure of reciprocation from the other person.

He always said that Abby had depression and he wanted to accompany her. However, I also had anxiety. I couldn't sleep all night to wait for him to come back.

Now that I thought about it, if Roy was really willing, we would have gotten married a long time ago, instead of torturing each other in an ambiguous relationship like we were now.

I realized that I didn't seem to love him that much anymore.

I could find something for myself to do.

Everyone in the company's group chat was talking about a design award in the industry.

Last year, my boss had encouraged me to participate in this award. He said that I had a strong sense of design, and my work was infectious, so I was very likely to win the award. But I refused at that time. It would take a lot of time and energy to participate in the competition. I was afraid that it would affect my ability to take good care of Roy.

I think it was time to change.

I sent a message to my boss, asking him to sign me up for the contest.

I didn't care about Roy anymore. I wanted to care about myself.