You Were My Goodbye

The private hospital was in the suburbs, surrounded by endless woods.

I couldn't leave. I couldn't reach anyone.

The doctors and nurses said they were sorry, but their hands were tied.

Nico came every day. Mostly at dusk, rushing in straight from work, and we'd talk.

I kept my distance. He didn't push.

Lately, I'd been dreaming of the past a lot.

Back when I used to say his name all the time.

"Nico, you're going to be the greatest don ever."

He sighed. "What flavor milk today?"

"Banana."

He skipped class for the first time just to buy me banana milk. Got caught.

Later, in college, rumors spread about him and the campus beauty.

I took the subway for over a dozen stops and sat crying under his building.

Nico got out of bed, came downstairs in the dark, and gently wiped my tears. "Stop crying. If you want me, I'm yours."

"Only you from now on."

"That's not how you confess."

He hugged me tight. "I love you."

We never imagined that a decade later, it would come to this.

"Tomorrow, I'm getting married."

The sunset still lingered, warmth fading.

Nico's voice pulled me back. "Is there anything you want to say to me?"

I held my half-drunk milk and looked at his face.

Suddenly I understood why I'd been dreaming so much.

I was saying goodbye to the old Valentina and the old Nico.

On TV, his and Mira's wedding was all over the news.

Golden couple. Perfect match.

That was the future we once dreamed of.

But now? I was sick, broken. Who was I to deserve it?

"Congratulations," I said. "I hope you have many children."

Nico's knife slipped. It cut his finger. Blood welled up.

He blinked, grabbed a tissue, pressed it to the cut, and smiled bitterly.

"It's fine. She and I are just going through the motions. Do you want kids? Boys, girls? How many? I'm good with anything."

"Nico, can't we just let it go?" I felt so tired. "Let's keep some dignity."

He stopped pretending. Threw the apple back into the basket. Stared at me with a mocking smile.

"Let it go?"

"Why?"

"You started this. Then you got bored and walked away clean. What does that make me? A dog?"

I closed my eyes against the sunlight. "Then I'll pay you back."

He went rigid. "What?"

I watched the dying sun. "You want me to suffer? I can die."

He grabbed my chin, forced my face toward him, eyes blazing.

"Valentina, are you sick?"

"If you wanted to die so badly, why didn't you do it back then?"