My Water Heater Exploded,Because My Wife Sent the Repairman to Her Ex

2: 2

Kerry kept me flat on a hospital bed for three days.

The bandages could come off, but the dozen-odd cuts on my arm weren't ready for the stitches to come out.

The whole time, Joanna never showed her face.

After the doctor ran through all his instructions, I stopped by a law office and had the divorce agreement drawn up.

Just as I was leaving, Joanna suddenly called.

"Are you discharged?"

"Yeah, just now."

"Oh, then come home. I've got a surprise waiting for you."

When I got home, Joanna opened the door.

She was smiling.

"I already changed the default address, and I bought and installed a new water heater."

"I even cooked you a big dinner myself. You can't still be angry now, can you?"

I didn't answer. My eyes went to the shoe cabinet she'd just opened.

Inside sat a pair of navy casual shoes. Not mine.

A noise came from the dining room, and I turned to look.

Reg Fox was setting a bottle of red wine on the table, greeting me with a smile.

"Toby's back? Go wash up and eat."

He was wearing the men's set of those couples' pajamas I'd once liked, the ones Joanna had "accidentally" shipped to the wrong address.

They matched the women's set Joanna had on.

As if they were the married couple in this house, and I was just a guest dropping by.

Joanna explained, "Reg's depression has been flaring up lately. He keeps having nightmares, and he can't be alone."

"It's not like we don't have room. Just let him stay a few days. It's easier for me to look after him this way."

I ignored the two of them and walked toward the master bedroom, its door half open.

The familiar wallpaper and bedding inside had been swapped out for the deep blue Reg liked.

The closet that used to be mine was full of his clothes, and our wedding photo had been replaced with a portrait of him.

The high-end skincare was still there, at least, just a third of it gone.

I looked at Joanna, who'd followed me in.

"A few days needs a full remodel? He gets the master bedroom. Where do I sleep?"

Joanna shut the door at once, terrified the man outside might overhear something upsetting.

Her voice, deliberately low, was full of impatience.

"The master's bigger, gets more sun, better for Reg's health. Setting the room up the way he's used to helps keep him stable."

"Your things are already moved to the guest room. Sleep there for now. It's just a place to sleep. Do you have to be so picky? Can't you be a little generous with someone who's sick?"

Every line was about caring for Reg, and she'd forgotten I'd only just gotten out of the hospital too.

From the moment I walked in until now, she hadn't asked once how my arm was.

Even her finally agreeing to change the default address wasn't for me.

It was only because Reg was living here now.

"Joanna, let's get a div—"

I'd barely started on the divorce when a knock came at the door.

Reg's frail voice drifted through.

"Joanna, aren't you two done yet? I'm a little hungry..."

Joanna grabbed my wrist.

"Toby, can we stop fighting? Tonight's dinner is my way of making it up to you. Reg didn't even dare pick up his chopsticks first, in case it upset you."

"When you go out there, don't wear that sour face like you did just now. Reg is sensitive. Don't make him feel like some outsider living off other people's charity."

I didn't ask whether that wasn't exactly what he was.

I let Joanna steer me to the table anyway.

Looking at a spread full of Reg's favorite seafood, I didn't touch my chopsticks.

Joanna sat down beside him, took the crab out of his hand herself, and started picking it apart, her voice gentle.

"Let me, you little dummy. You can never remember you're not supposed to eat the heart of the crab, or you'll get a stomachache."

"And don't drink the orange juice later. They say seafood and orange juice don't go together."

Reg smiled sweetly.

"Thank you, honey. All these years taking care of my health, you've practically turned into half a medical expert."

The air froze in an instant.

Reg clapped a hand over his mouth a beat too late and looked at me with a show of apology.

"Sorry, Toby. Back when Joanna and I were together, she used to help me like this too. I just got used to calling her that. Forgot to catch myself for a second."

Before I could say a word, Joanna cut in first.

"It's fine. Toby isn't the petty type."

I suddenly felt like laughing.

Right after we got married, I'd called Joanna "honey" too.

But she'd frowned.

"Toby, I don't like a mushy nickname like that. Say what you want, I'm a business owner now. It sounds undignified if other people hear it."

"Let's just do it the way we used to, call each other by name. That's nicer."

So it turned out her preferences could change depending on the man.

Seeing that I wasn't moving, Joanna pushed that plate of spicy stir-fried crab toward me.

"What are you sitting there for? Eat. You waiting for someone to feed you?"

I spoke, my voice sharp with mockery.

"Ms. Gilbert's already half a medical expert. Don't you know the cuts on my arm haven't healed yet, that I'm supposed to avoid spicy food and seafood?"