When I Grow Up, I Won't Love You Anymore

2: 2

My mother paused.

“You've loved Lucas since you were little. Are you really letting go this time?”

I said nothing.

For as long as I could remember, I'd trailed after Lucas, calling him big brother this, big brother that.

He put up with every childish thing that set me apart from other kids my age, staying by my side all day long.

But everything changed the moment Tessa Fox appeared.

He started drifting out of my life, always with schoolwork as the excuse.

I'd invite him over for dinner and he'd say he had exams to study for, and then I'd turn around and see photos of him and Tessa at Disneyland on her feed.

The lucky bracelet I gave him, I later saw it on Tessa's wrist.

When my fever hit a hundred and four and wouldn't break, he promised to come see me, and then showed up at Tessa's birthday party instead.

I was at an age when I couldn't hide what I felt, so I made a scene with him.

He pinched my cheek, indulgent.

“My Selly's all grown up. She's even learned to get jealous.”

“But you're still too young to understand the friendship between me and Tessa. You'll get it when you're older.”

I didn't understand him then, so I just nodded, dazed.

But now, I understand.

Outside the sun was ninety degrees, and it couldn't touch the cold inside me.

When I dragged myself home, hollowed out, Tessa was actually there in my house.

“That whole thing earlier was my fault, upsetting you like that. Lucas and I packed up all your favorite dishes just for you. They're not leftovers, I promise!”

I looked up. Lucas was standing in the dining room.

“Selly, you only had a few bites of cake earlier. You must be starving.”

He pulled me down into a seat at the table. “My princess gets low blood sugar the second she's hungry. I've always remembered that.”

His words moved through me like something warm, and I felt a thread of the old attachment stir.

Obedient, I picked up my chopsticks and forced down a mouthful of rice.

He smiled, satisfied, and went on,

“In a bit, apologize to Tessa. She's been feeling guilty about today for ages. Go make it up to her!”

Before I could even react, I spotted it in the food, a broken acrylic nail.

And that nail was Tessa's!

The food they'd brought me really was leftovers.

My stomach clenched. I rushed to the sink, retching and retching.

Lucas jumped, hurrying over to hold me up.

“Selly, what's wrong, where does it hurt? We're going to the hospital right now!”

His panicked eyes pulled me back to the year I was eleven.

Some classmates had cornered me at the end of the street, calling me a retard, forcing me to eat sand.

He was the one who kicked the bullies away and put me behind him.

“Our Selly isn't stupid. If you ever pick on her again, I'll fight you with everything I've got.”

Later, my parents hired Tessa as my tutor.

At first Lucas looked down on her, said the college she'd gone to was nothing special, that she was just there to milk my family for money.

Tessa, for her part, kept warning me that Lucas being good to me had to have some ulterior motive behind it.

They were always fighting over me, and yet whenever I tried to break it up, they'd say the exact same thing in unison,

“This is grown-up business. Stay out of it, kid!”

Back then they treated each other like enemies, and I couldn't do anything about it.

Now they'd fallen for each other, and I couldn't do anything about that either.

I vomited until I was hysterical, tears streaming down my face.

Tessa held me, her voice choked.

“Selly, I don't need you to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. It was me.”

Lucas handed me a glass of water, and once he saw I was fine, the crease in his brow slowly smoothed out.

“Selly, you did all that on purpose to get out of taking responsibility, didn't you?”

“Remember this. In the adult world, making a mistake isn't the scary part. The scary part is running from responsibility. Understand?”

Tessa's eyes went red, and she turned and shouted at Lucas,

“Shut up! Selly's still just a kid! You are not allowed to talk to her like that!”

Lucas sighed, helpless, and knelt in front of me, reaching to brush the loose strands of hair off my forehead.

I flinched back on instinct, dodging his fingers.

“So difficult! When are you going to be a grown-up, like Tessa...”

I stared straight into his eyes and cut him off, steadier than I'd ever been.

“Lucas, I'm getting married!”