When I Finally Let You Go

My breath caught in my throat.“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t pretend,”he growled,teeth clenched.“You never liked her.Is this your revenge?Did you hire these thugs?!”

My world tilted.

I stared at him,disbelief ripping through my chest.“You think I would stoop that low?!”

He didn’t blink.

“You’re smart.You know people.It wouldn’t take much effort,right?”His voice was like a blade.“I never realized how cruel you really are…”

“Enough!”I screamed.

Pain exploded in my chest and I could barely breathe.

“You think I did this because I’m jealous you‘played hero’?You think I hired people to scare her?!Fredric,I have never ever sunk to that level.”

His eyes narrowed.“Everyone knows you hate her.Don’t act innocent now.”

I stared at him,blinking back tears and let out cold laughter.

“She cries and suddenly the world is bullying her.I frown once and I’m the villain?You only see her.You always have.”

He flinched and wanted to argue more,but behind him,Deana clutched his sleeve.

She innocently said,“Fredric,don’t.It’s not worth fighting.It’s my fault.I…I overreacted because back in high school,she had someone bully me.”

That was it.

That was the final spark.

I lifted my chin,my voice sharp as ice as I roared,“You think I’d waste my time plotting against you?!”

I turned to Deana,eyes blazing.“If I’d wanted you gone in high school,you wouldn’t have made it to graduation,let alone stolen my husband.”

“Enough!”Fredric roared and then he slapped me.

The sound cracked like thunder,making my cheek burn red.

I stumbled and hit the ground,resulting in my palms scraping the concrete and blood rising through torn skin.

He hit me?

How dare Fredric hit me?!

He didn’t come to help nor look at me.

Instead,Fredric turned and lifted Deana in his arms protectively and tenderly like she was made of porcelain.

He carried her away and the sound of the car door slamming shut echoed through my bones.

He left me there,like I meant nothing and no one for him.

My hands clutched my abdomen as a sharp,unbearable pain bloomed through my stomach.

I took a step and warm blood spilled down my legs.

“Ma’am,you’re bleeding!”A woman screamed,rushing to my side.“You’re losing blood!”

I opened my mouth to say,“It’s nothing.”But I never got the words out.

The pain swallowed me whole.

The ER was a blur of white lights and frantic voices.

“She’s losing too much blood!”

“Where’s her next of kin?We need a signature,fast!”

“She’s married,but her husband’s not answering.We’ve called over a dozen times.”

“Without a signature,we might lose the baby.”

I heard all of it as if underwater.

My body felt like it wasn’t mine.It was floating,broken and unraveling.

My chest also felt heavy and my throat burned like it was lined with glass.

But I forced myself to speak,so I forced my arm up,gripped the doctor’s sleeve with all the strength I had left.

“I’ll sign,”I rasped.“Let the baby go.I don’t want…I don’t want to keep it.”

The words fell like stones from my mouth.

The doctor froze.“Are you sure?”

I nodded,biting down the scream that threatened to tear from my throat.My tears finally broke free,sliding silently down my cheeks.

The operating room was cold,far colder than I imagined.The sterile scent of disinfectant clung to the air like frostbite.

I stared at the ceiling as metal instruments clinked into trays.A nurse whispered softly,“Stay still,it’ll be over soon.”

The anesthesia hadn’t fully kicked in,so I felt it every tug,every burn.

I bit down so hard on my lip that the taste of blood filled my mouth,mixing with the sob I refused to let out.

“I’m sorry,”I whispered silently to the child I’d never met.“I’m sorry,little one.”

You weren’t made from love.You were just a checkbox,something that Fredric’s mother asked for.

I only wanted to tell you that I didn’t want to bring you into a world like this.A home where your father would never look at you the way he looked at his mistress.

So,it would be better for me to let you go.

It was the only thing I could do that felt like love.

When I woke,the pain was dull,but constant.My stomach ached,empty and hollow,like something had been scooped out of me.

No one was beside my bed,not even him,my husband I loved for years.

Indeed,I didn’t expect him to come.But somewhere in my mind,I still hoped.

However,the reality was clear.Fredric never came.

Not for the bleeding.Not for the screaming.Not for the death of the child he didn’t even know he had.

The only thing waiting for me was my phone,buzzing on the nightstand.

A new Instagram post from Deana.

I opened it with trembling hands.

The photos were like knives.I saw her and Fredric at Disneyland,both wearing matching Mickey Mouse ears.

He was smiling gently and laughing as she clung to his arm.She looked radiant,like a girl in love.

They looked happy.

I stared at the screen,remembering the nights I begged him to take me to Disneyland.

“Please,Fredric?”I’d giggle.“Just once?I want to wear those stupid headbands and eat overpriced cotton candy.”

He’d always frown and said,“That place?Childish.”

But now he did it for her,just like everything else.

My fingers curled around the phone as the pain in my chest bloomed again.

It hurt so much I couldn’t breathe.

Letting go of Fredric hurts like hell,because he wasn’t just my husband.

He was my childhood crush.My teenage fantasy.My entire youth wrapped in one cold-hearted man.

But I was done lying to myself.

I pitied myself.

I turned off the screen and saw my own reflection that looked pale,hollow-eyed and lifeless.

A new message popped up.

It was from the lawyer.

[The divorce is nearly finalized.We can arrange the signing tomorrow.]