Wandering The Desert For Eternity

I woke up in the car to find Evan driving toward the hospital.

Weak as I was, I stopped him. “I’m fine. Probably just heatstroke. Just take me home.”

Evan let out a sigh of relief.

“You almost gave me a heart attack, Ana! We’re going home now.”

Five minutes later, he left me by the side of the road just because Cherry said they were going to be late for a movie.

Evan gently patted my hair. “Text me when you get home. And if you still feel unwell, go to the hospital. Don’t tough it out, okay?”

I nodded obediently and watched as they drove away together. The truth was, I did not want to go home. That warm little place that used to belong to me and Evan only. Thinking about being there just made me sick.

I swallowed two painkillers with a bottle of water, then carefully touched up my makeup.

An hour later, I stood outside an old house and rang the bell. The door swung open and my mother’s face lit up the moment she saw me.

“Why didn’t you call first? I don’t even have any food prepared for you.”

Then her brow furrowed.

“You’ve gotten so thin. And you look terrible. Come on, we’re going to the hospital.”

Even with a thick foundation. Even with my brightest fake smile. She saw right through me. Of course she did. I did not have much time left. And the people who truly loved someone could always tell.

I bit my lip until it bled. Unable to contain it anymore, I threw my arms around her and sobbed. All the feelings I had bottled up over the past few days finally broke loose. All the fear and hurt came pouring out all at once.

My mother was my one weakness.

She was also the real reason I had swallowed every humiliation and played the part of the understanding wife over the past few days. My father had died when I was little. She had raised me and had gone through every hardship on her own.

Just when things were finally looking up, I learned that I was going to die.

What would she do without me? Thus, I made up my mind. In these last months, no matter how Evan treated me, I would never leave him. The deeper he hurt me, the heavier his guilt would weigh.

Then, once I would be gone, maybe that guilt would make him take good care of my mother in my place. After comforting my mom with a mix of lies and soothing words, I went back to the house.

I took out my journal and started writing down everything I had endured that day.

That was part of the plan too.

After my death, this gloomy journal would be another gift I would leave for Evan.

It was past midnight when Evan finally came home.

He pushed open the bedroom door and met my eyes, which were red, swollen from crying. For a brief moment, something in him faltered, like a sharp pinprick in his chest.

For the first time, he thought about ending the contract.

I only gave him a gentle smile.

“You should get some rest. Staying up this late isn’t good for your health. There’s some soup in the fridge. Have a little if you’re hungry, but don’t overdo it.”

With every word I spoke, the guilt in his eyes deepened. The next morning, Evan wrapped his arms around me and said that he would stay home all day and spend time with me. I nodded. My eyes were glistening with gratitude.

However, Cherry showed up in the afternoon.

“Ana, I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have picked the amusement park in that heat.” She clung to Evan’s arm and swayed it playfully. “Baby, I found a much nicer place today. It’s quiet and peaceful. It’ll be good for Ana’s health too.”

Just like that, Evan, who had promised to spend the whole day with me, broke his word again. When they reached the spot, Evan felt a strange sense of familiarity.

Then Cherry pulled him onto the old wooden swing, and it hit him.

This was where he and I had started our relationship.

Cherry settled herself on his lap. Her tone was soft and teasing as she said, “I heard this is where you and Ana shared your first kiss. So I want one too.”

It was June, but I felt like I had been plunged into ice water.

This intimate and private moment of ours, Evan had shared it with her. Right in front of me, Cherry leaned in and kissed my husband.

Evan startled and instinctively glanced toward me, but she nipped lightly at his ear.

“Focus.”

Evan gasped. He muttered, “You little devil.” Then he kissed her back hard.

I had no idea how long it lasted. Time seemed to stop. The ache in my chest spread like a flood. The pain in my body peaked, and I suddenly coughed up a mouthful of blood before falling backward to the ground.

The last thing I saw was Evan shoving Cherry away and sprinting toward me with panic written all over his face.

A few tears fell onto my face. They were cold.

For the first time ever, I saw Evan cry. He was panicking, sobbing, calling my name, but my consciousness slipped into darkness.

That was okay.

A wife who died of a broken heart because of him. A diary, raw and honest. And a voice recorder with some very interesting content.

Those were the gifts I had so carefully prepared for the man I had loved for ten years.