Twenty Years Too Late: She Begs Me Now

“You want to go to community college with Jude Simmons?” I stared at Kirsten across from me, unable to believe it.

She said, “Yes. And I want you to come too.”

“Are you out of your mind?”

More than ten years growing up side by side, and it was the first time I'd ever shouted at her.

“Kirsten, get a grip!”

“Jude comes from a poor family, fine. You can help him. But not if helping him means throwing away your own future.”

“You got a near-perfect SAT score. You could get into almost any school in the country, and you're going to community college for him? Are you planning to carry him for the rest of your life?”

Kirsten frowned. “Mick, how can you say that? I just don't want him going somewhere strange all alone. When did that turn into carrying him for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I know you mean well. But I don't think a degree matters. What matters is what you can actually do.”

“I told you this because I wanted your support. I wanted you to come with me, not talk me out of it.”

“Mick, you're really disappointing me.”

“Kirsten, don't be upset.” Jude, standing beside her, patted her hand first, then turned to me.

“Mick, you've got way too much of a prejudice against community college.”

“I've already looked into it. The school I'm applying to has a name for itself across the country. It's no worse than a four-year college.”

“No matter how good it is,” I said coldly, “the paper you walk out with still says community college, not a bachelor's degree.”

Jude had nothing to say to that.

“Enough!” Kirsten's face hardened. “Community college this, community college that. Mick, if you don't want to go, I won't force you.”

“I only blame myself for caring too much about growing up with you, for thinking you'd support me no matter what.”

Jude tugged at Kirsten's hand and said quietly, “Kirsten, that's too harsh.”

Kirsten glanced at him and drew a deep breath.

“Mick, if you don't want to lose what we've had since we were kids, then apply to the same school as me and Jude.”

At that, I was silent for a moment, then suddenly spoke. “Are you in love with him?”

Panic flickered in Kirsten's eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“Ha, Mick, you really know how to joke.”

Jude laughed loudly, gripping Kirsten's hand, and threw me a look of challenge.

And Kirsten let him hold her hand, not the slightest discomfort on her face.

Seeing that, how could I not understand.

More than ten years growing up together, and it couldn't outweigh three years of him dropping in out of nowhere.

Ha.

How ironic.

And how pathetic.

“Hah……” I let out a breath, fighting with everything I had to keep the tears from falling.

“Kirsten, I'm not going to community college. I have my own dream, and I won't change it for anyone. Not even you.”

Kirsten's face turned ugly. “Fine. Then I'll wait for the day you make your dream come true and become somebody.”

She snorted in anger, pulled Jude around, and walked off, their voices carrying back to me on the wind.

“Kirsten, maybe Mick just said that out of anger. Don't take it to heart. Applications aren't closed yet. We'll try talking to him again in a couple of days.”

“Talk to him about what? If his dream means more to him than I do, then from now on he's nothing to me.”

“Kirsten……”

“Don't ever say his name in front of me again.”

Their backs grew smaller and smaller, and I couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears came.

My thoughts drifted back to the present. I reached up, rubbed my wet eyes, and suddenly laughed.

“Strange. I'm indoors. How did sand get into my eyes.”

I turned and walked into the bathroom, deciding to splash some cold water on my face and clear my head.