Too Young To Want Him

Ava listened to the doorbell being rung, and her heart sank.

She sat in her room, on a chair by the edge of her bed and was twisting her fingers. Her hands were sweaty, and her heart was beating too wildly. She had been anticipating this, but now that it had come, she would have wished to vanish.

Come down, Patricia called sharply from down the stairs.

Ava shut her eyes for a second. "Be strong," she told herself. "Just get through this."

She got up and walked out of her room. Every step on the staircase was a step into obscurity, as though she were going into something which she could never get out of.

Mark was standing in the living room.

He was not any different; he had his curly hair slightly dishevelled, his hands thrust into his pockets, but he was tense in his face. His eyes spotted Ava at once, and his look was altered by perplexity to surprise.

"What is this about?" Mark asked, his voice tight. "Your mom said it was urgent."

Patricia folded her arms. "You two need to talk. Alone."

Ava's head snapped up. "Mom-"

Patricia put a finger to her lips. "I'll be in the kitchen." She turned to Mark. "Do the right thing."

Then she went away and left the door between the living room and kitchen half open.

The silence that ensued was heavy and uncomplimentary.

Mark stared at Ava. "Okay," he said slowly. "What's going on?"

Ava swallowed hard. Her throat felt dry. "We should sit."

"No," Mark said quickly. "Just tell me."

Her heart beat in her breast. She put her arms around herself as she suddenly felt cold.

"I'm pregnant," she said.

The words hung in the air.

Mark blinked once. Then again. "What?"

I am pregnant, Mark then burst out into a sharp laugh of disbelief. "That's not funny."

"I'm not joking."

The smile faded from his face. "No. No, that's not possible."

Ava looked down at the floor.

Mark took a step closer. "Ava, I haven't seen you in weeks. We broke up."

"I know."

Then how-- He hesitated, and slowly the dawn of knowing came to his eyes. "Wait. Are you serious right now?"

Ava nodded.

Mark passed his fingers through his hair and stamped his feet on the floor. "This doesn't make sense. Why am I only hearing about this now?"

"I was scared," Ava said quietly.

"Scared?" Mark turned to her sharply. "I'm finding out like this? From your mother?"

"I didn't know how to tell you."

Mark stopped pacing. "Whose is it?"

The query came to her like a slap.

Ava's chest tightened. This was the moment. The prevarication she had already given her father and mother now had to be repeated.

"It's yours," she said.

Mark stared at her.

He did not speak a word for a long time. His cheeks were pale, his gaze roaming on her, and trying to find in her something inconsistent.

"Mine?" he repeated slowly.

"Yes."

But we were hardly together, he said. "And you left me."

"I know," Ava said quickly. "But it happened before that. Before everything ended."

Mark shook his head. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I needed time," she whispered.

Mark again laughed, but it was without humour. "Time? Ava, this is a baby. You don't just take time."

I know, I know, I know, she said, breaking her voice. "I know I messed up."

He stopped in front of her. "Are you sure?"

The heart of Ava was beating in her ears. "Yes."

Mark studied her face. "Look at me."

Slowly, she lifted her eyes.

"Don't lie to me," he said. Not about anything, just like this.

I am not lying, she said to herself, and the idea of it showed me upside-down pain.

Mark took a step backwards and sat on the couch with a heavy sigh. He stooped, giving his elbows to his knees.

"This is insane," he muttered. I did not even know that you were unwell or anything.

I did not want anybody to know yet, Ava said.

"So what now?" Mark asked. Your mom called me already,but I had something to do.

Ava's stomach clenched. "She... she wants us to talk."

"That's an understatement."

Ava trembled and brought her hands near. "Mark, please. I need you to understand."

"Understand what?" he snapped. That you are pregnant, and only decided to have me dropped afterwards?

Well, I was not out to hurt you, said Ava. "I just didn't know what to do."

Mark looked up at her. His anger was clear now. Do you not know what this means?

"I do," she whispered. "That's why I'm terrified."

He stood up again. "And you're telling me it's mine."

It is.

Mark searched her face again.  

Why does it look like you want to cry?

"Because I want to," Ava said. Tears filled her eyes. "I'm scared. I do not want it to become something ugly.

Mark's jaw tightened.  

Then you ought to have done that before.

Ava wiped at her eyes.  

"I know. But just now I want you to assist me.

"Help?" Mark repeated.  

"What kind of help?"

She took a shaky breath. 

"I need you not to deny this. Not in public. Not in front of my parents."

Mark stared at her.  

"You want me to pretend?"

"No," she said quickly.  

"I want you to stand by me. At least for now."

"For now?" he echoed.

Yes, "Please. Make no statement that will ruin me," just say nothing.

Mark crossed his arms.  

"You're asking a lot."

I know, she said, and her voice was hardly maintaining itself.  

But deny it, and my life will be ruined.

"That is dramatic," Mark said, but there was a wavering in his voice.

"It's not," Ava said.  

"You don't know my mother."

Mark let out a long breath.  

"This is too much."

Ava stepped closer.  

"Mark, please. I'm begging you."

He stared at her, gazed at her, and there was a change in his face. Not anger. Not kindness. Something uncertain.

"Say it again," he said.

"Say what?"

"That the baby is mine."

Ava wavered only a fraction of a second.

Mark noticed.

His eyes narrowed.  

"Why did you pause?"

"I didn't," Ava said quickly.

"Yes, you did."

She shook her head.  

"I'm just tired."

Mark took a step closer to her. His voice lowered.  

"Ava, look at me."

Her heart was pounding, and she looked him in the eye.

"Swear to me that baby is mine."

Ava opened her mouth.

And the falsehood, big and threatening, lay on her tongue.