Too Young To Want Him

Ava had a twisted stomach as she drove to the house of Riley. She could not go back home yet. Not after the events of last night and not after the mayhem at the birthday party of the Bella. Each step towards the door of Riley seemed to be heavier, as though the weight of all this should be upon her chest.

She knocked lightly. Riley opened the door and was rubbing her eyes and looking tired. "Ava? What's up?" asked she, with her still sleep-thick voice.

"I... Come with me, I need you to come with me," Ava said with her hands trembling a little. She did not want to go home alone.

Riley nodded slowly. "Of course, I'll come. I have only just woken up, and must have a quick bath first."

Ava looked at the living room and nodded. "Okay. I'll wait."

Riley ran off into the bathroom and Ava was left alone. She sat down on the couch her thoughts whirling. She repeated all that occurred, Mark cheating on her, the way she reacted at the birthday party, and the one-night stand with Marcus. She was not able to tell anybody about Marcus yet. She forced that thought aside, and had to concentrate on surviving the day.

After some time, Riley emerged from the bathroom, dressed and looking fresher. Ava rose and was a little steadier with her friend at her elbow.

"I must tell you what happened last night," Ava said to Riley as they prepared to get going. "Mark cheated on me with Bella. I ended things with him. I attended the birthday party of Bella too and... I revealed to everyone what they have been doing behind my back."

Riley's eyes widened. "Very good. The next time I run into that fuck, I will give him my two cents."

Ava scowled and tried to smile. She never said anything concerning Marcus. It was her secret, that part of last night, and she did not propose to reveal it at this time.

When Riley was ready, they got in the car and drove off to Ava's house. The nearer they got, the tighter Ava felt her chest getting. As they arrived, she looked through the front door and saw the familiar figures of her parents. And there was Marcus, calm as though nothing was ever the matter.

Ava took a deep breath. She had to act normal. She followed Riley inside.

They made Patricia brighten up when she saw them. "Marcus and Elena are not divorcing anymore!" she exclaimed with all the excitement and relief in her voice.

Ava froze. Her stomach tightened. She closed her lips and tried to smile. Great, terribly great, she thought to herself.

Riley followed her closely and could see the tension, but she did not say anything. Ava walked behind her mother and Marcus into the living room with her mind whirling. She experienced all the looks, all the movements around her as though her heart could betray her.

The next hour was spent by the family assisting Elena in returning to the house. Boxes were transported, the furniture was rearranged and everyone helped out. Ava kept to herself and only moved when she had to. She assisted where she could and she avoided eye contact with Marcus because, she was well aware that any kind of interaction would attract attention. She felt a pain in her heart seeing Marcus and Elena collaborate. They were smiling, laughing lowly, and brushing little, easy touches that had to remind her how she had crossed the line last night.

At last, the work was quieted down and it was time to eat. The table was properly set, and everyone sat down. Ava sat next to Riley who gave her a comforting nod. Marcus was sitting across, detached but alert. There was a heavy atmosphere. Ava and Marcus did not address each other. There was a heavy silence that was their silent secret between them.

Patricia broke the silence, and her voice was gentle. "It is a huge relief that Marcus and Elena have chosen to get things straight. It is nice to find them so glad to be together once more."

Ava's chest tightened. She felt used. She would have liked to say something, to complain that she was injured and that she had emotions that no one could know. But she made no reply, and had to lower her eyes to her plate. As she watched Marcus and Elena laughing at minor jokes, glancing at each other, and caressing each other, her stomach ached with envy.

She chewed her food in silence. She was holding her fork tremulously. Every bite felt heavy.

Marcus looked at her once, but only briefly, with a neutral expression. Ava turned her head away and concentrated on her plate. She did not want him to observe how ambivalent she was. She could not allow him to know that she had been hit more by last night than she could take.

The dinner table discussion was generally civil. Daniel and Patricia were talking of their day, of Elena settling down, of small domestic schemes. Ava quietly listened and nodded ever so often. She was aware that Riley was looking at her, though not saying anything, just being there, providing support by being there. That little assurance made Ava keep herself together.

The thoughts of Marcus and Elena came back to Ava over and over again as she ate. She did not understand how they could behave so normally, so easily in love, and she had a secret that could ruin everything.

After dinner, the dishes were cleared. Ava remained at the table for a few minutes more, attempting to calm down. She was not sure if she would be able to remain in her room permanently, yet she was aware that she would not be able to fight Marcus. She had to wait. She had to be careful.

At last, she rose and took her leave unobtrusively. She retired to her room and shut the door. She put her back to it and drew a breath. Her heart was sore, and her stomach was clenched with anxiety. She reflected on the secret she was bearing, the line she had crossed, and the effects which might follow.

This could not be her permanent state. She had to suppress it at present. She was forced to act like nothing had occurred. But the fear lingered. And how much time would she be able to hold on to it? Until when the truth broke in and everything was different?