Too Late to Hold Her, Too Late to Love Her

"I just made a few simple dishes. I don’t know if they suit your tastes."

My gaze swept over the table.

Every dish was something Jasper and Hugo liked.

Hugo's favorites are spicy diced chicken and boiled pork slices especially.

But I couldn’t eat a single bite.

The doctor had warned me to avoid spicy food after the miscarriage.

Silently, I picked up some vegetables and sipped my soup.

Jasper, unaware, kept piling food onto Ava’s plate. "Aunt Ava, eat more. You’re too thin. You need to nourish yourself."

Ava’s eyes shimmered with emotion, turning red once more.

She picked up a piece of meat glistening with chili oil and placed it into my bowl.

"Audrey, try this. It’s a specialty in my hometown. I made it just for you."

I didn’t touch it. Instead, I calmly continued sipping my cereal.

"Thank you, but I can’t eat spicy food."

The moment those words left my lips, tears spilled down her face.

"Audrey, do you hate me that much?" Her voice trembled, thick with sorrow.

Jasper shot me a sharp glare. "Aunt Ava, you don’t have to lower yourself for her. You don’t owe her anything."

What a wonderful son I had raised, one who knew exactly where to strike to make it hurt the most.

My throat tightened, but I swallowed back the sting, forcing myself to remain composed. Without a word, I set my spoon and fork down.

"You all enjoy. I’ve had enough."

As I pushed my chair back, ready to leave, Hugo’s voice rang out behind me.

"Audrey, eat the spicy chicken. Consider it an apology to Ava."

I froze. My feet felt like they had turned to stone.

Slowly, I turned, meeting his gaze as if seeing a stranger with a familiar face.

"What did you just say?" My voice wavered despite my best efforts.

Perhaps he noticed the way my hands clenched at my sides because he averted his eyes, picking up the plate instead. He dropped a few pieces of spicy chicken into my bowl, his expression unreadable.

His voice, however, was like ice.

"I remember you used to eat spicy food. But now you say you can’t. Why?"

"You always accuse me of not trusting you. But is that really my fault?"

"Or is it just that admitting you’re targeting Ava is too difficult for you?"

I opened my mouth, desperate to explain, to defend myself.

I wasn’t targeting anyone; I had simply lost a child. That was all.

Hugo, I just lost our baby.

The baby you always claimed to long for.

His absence had once shattered me, dragging me into an abyss of grief. But now… now, I was grateful he never came into this world.

Because he wasn’t here, I could leave without looking back.

My gaze dropped to the spicy chicken drenched in glistening red oil.

Before I could react, Jasper, as if running out of patience, grabbed a handful of meat and shoved it into my mouth.

The fiery burn hit instantly. My throat clenched, my eyes stinging as I choked on the overwhelming spice.

Through blurred vision, I caught the flicker of triumph in Ava’s eyes.

Jasper glared at me like I was his greatest enemy. "Mom, I just can’t stand you bullying Aunt Ava. You should get a taste of your own medicine."

I studied my dear son, the boy I had carried, nurtured and loved.

Why had I even given birth to him?

Swallowing back my tears, I met his gaze and spoke slowly, my voice solemn.

"My son, you’re truly filial."

He wasn’t expecting that. His expression faltered. "Mom…"

I forced a bitter smile, turned away, and headed to my room.

The moment I shut the door, I summoned the system. Even it seemed stunned by my misery.

"If I had known it would come to this, I should have just left back then."

Out of pity, it let me choose my exit.

I chose sleeping pills. At least it would be dignified.

The next morning, I awoke to find Hugo already dressed.

He leaned down, just as he always did, to kiss me goodbye.

I turned my head away.

His lips hovered in the air for a moment before he pulled back. Though displeased, he spoke with forced patience.

"Audrey, you used to help me with my tie every morning. Are you too tired lately?"