The Pretend Darkness

When it was time to pick colleges, I had my sights set on some outstanding out-of-state schools. However, Mom had other plans and kept me local.

She used to teach at the elementary school back home but quit to move near my college, all so my brother could go to a fancy high school.

They made me come home every weekend to clean and cook because he was boarding there.

Then, with him on a break, she had me coming back every day to cook.

On the weekends, my roommate was always buzzing with excitement, either hitting the town for some fun or catching extra sleep in our dorm. Whenever they were itching for a shopping spree, a little charm went a long way with their parents.

Me? I was juggling part-time gigs to scrape together cash for tuition and living expenses, and then I was back home playing nanny to my kid brother.

People who did not know any better thought I was the child my parents had been hoping for.

In reality, I know better—I was born Brian.

Mom, even the teacher, worried about the stigma of playing favorites with her kids, did not want to be caught giving boys the edge. So, she dubbed me Brianna.

Even before my younger brother was born, she always called me Brian. After Zane was born, she switched back to calling me by my full name.

Zane, with a name like Gene, a nod to our family's legacy.

The memory of today's prescription bill and the wince on Mom's face was still fresh in my mind.

Maybe, just maybe, my so-called 'adorable little brother' actually did me a solid at that time and helped me cut ties with that bloodsucking household for good.