The Past is Hard to Recall

I absentmindedly stirred with the spoon, coldly thinking to myself, ‘As expected, it has come.’

***

"You know, Winona has liked me for so many years and she has depression. I was thinking, can I go through a mock wedding with her this time and then we can have our official wedding? It would be like fulfilling the girl's dream and she won't disturb our lives anymore after that."

My hand, stirring the congee, froze.

I looked up at him in silence.

Cole seemed uneasy, his expression uncomfortable. "Stella, we owe it to her after all. She got depression because of me. You love me the most, you will understand me, right?"

Hearing those familiar words, I thought of countless scenes from the past.

Ever since I had completely fallen into the web of love he had carefully woven, he constantly tested my obedience under the guise of love.

For example, if Winona’s depression was triggered after seeing us together, he would ask me to buy her luxury handbags.

Or if Winona cried, he would blame himself, saying it was all because of me that he had let her down, hinting that I should transfer money to her or buy her jewelry to comfort her.

Until this wedding.

Before, Winona had indeed used her depression to threaten him, saying that if he didn’t hold a wedding with her first, she would end her life.

He thought I would compromise, just as I had so many times before. But he underestimated how much I valued this wedding.

For the first and only time, I refused to back down, firmly defending my own rights, even at the cost of a heated argument with him.

I told him that if he insisted on making Winona the bride, we would break up.

In the end, he chose wealth and status over Winona. And, astonishingly, Winona really did slit her wrists and die.

Now, facing the same situation once again, I looked at the uneasy Cole in front of me and didn’t argue or make a scene.

Instead, I smiled and replied, “Alright.”

Cole froze, his mouth slightly open, as if there were many persuasive arguments he had prepared but hadn’t yet voiced.

“Stella, you’re not angry?”

“No. After all, I’m the one you love the most, right? You only let her down because of me.”

With that, I turned and walked into the bedroom.

Behind me, Cole mulled over my words, sensing something wasn’t quite right but unable to pinpoint what it was.

Just as I was drifting off into a hazy sleep...

The mattress beside me sank slightly, followed by Cole's warm breath and restless hands.

"Stella, don’t worry. For you to make such a big concession for me, I promise I’ll never let you down in this lifetime. The doctor said the baby is already four months along. How about we…”

My previously drowsy mind became instantly alert.

I dodged his hand as it slipped into my nightgown, a wave of nausea surging through me.

I rushed into the bathroom and began to vomit.

He followed, gently patting my back, but the more he did, the worse I retched.

Before long, my mouth was filled with bitter bile, the taste and smell unpleasant.

Cole subtly stepped back, distancing himself from me.

I pretended not to notice, dragging myself back to the bedroom.

Cole followed behind me, holding a glass of milk and a small pill in his other hand.

I glanced at the milk and pill in his hands and shook my head. "I don’t want to take it."

He gave me a doting smile. "Don’t be stubborn. It’s for the sake of our baby."

In the end, I swallowed the pill.

After he left the room and closed the door, I spit it out.

I had once been so blinded by love that I never questioned anything. Only now did I realize it wasn't because I felt unwell that I had to take the prenatal medicine. It was because every time his phone vibrated, he would make me take that pill and each time I took it, I would feel very sleepy.