The Message I Finally Understand

When I got home, I didn't turn on the lights. I just sat on the couch, staring at the ceiling in a daze.

Memories came rushing back in waves.

When I first got together with Giovanni, he never minded my dyslexia. Every Valentine's Day, he would write me a love letter by hand. Knowing that I couldn't read it, he would read it to me line by line under the night sky, beneath the stars.

He once said, "Chiara Faraci, your world is missing a window, but I'll be your light."

After we got married, he labeled every bottle in the house with colors. Red for condiments. Blue for cleaning supplies. Green for medicine. Even without reading, I'd never pick the wrong one.

Later, Luigi was born.

Every night, Giovanni would hold him beside me, open a picture book, and read it out loud. On the surface, he was reading to Luigi. But I knew he was reading to me too.

He once told Luigi, "Luigi, your mamma may not be able to read words, but her heart understands. She's smarter than anyone. No one is allowed to bully her. Not even you."

Luigi answered in his baby voice, "Okay! I'll protect Mamma!"

I thought days like that would last forever—until a month ago.

I secretly went for professional training. The results were good. I could slowly recognize common words now.

I rushed home, excited, wanting to surprise them. But the house was empty.

When I walked into the study, Giovanni's computer screen was still on. On it was Maria's pregnancy checkup report and a message from him saying he'd go to her place that night.

My hands trembled as I called him. But it was Luigi who picked up. "Mamma, can you stop bothering Papa? He brought me to discuss family matters. He's very busy. If you're really that bored, clean up the house. I left a leather notebook in the study. Put it back in my room for me."

Following his words, I looked at the notebook. It was open to the last page, with the words written across it, "Mamma held my award certificate upside down again today. I hate how she can't understand anything. Maria is so smart. I wish she could be my mamma."

So, even in Luigi's heart, he had long wanted to replace me.

The pain in my chest pulled me out of the memory. I opened the email from an overseas non-profit organization. It was a job offer to help children with reading disabilities learn to read.

I gently pressed "Accept".

This time, I would leave their world completely. I didn't want either of them anymore.

The sound of the door unlocking rang out. I closed my eyes and didn't move.

Giovanni turned on the light. "Baby, why are you sleeping here? You'll catch a cold."

He lifted me in his arms and carefully placed me on the bed. I pretended to wake, slowly opening my eyes. He smiled and leaned down, his lips wandering and his warm breath brushing against my neck.

Before, I would've responded eagerly. But now, all I could see in my mind were his intimate messages with Maria and her pregnancy report.

I shoved him away and sat up.

Giovanni stumbled back against the nightstand, but didn't get angry. Instead, he cupped my face, seeming even more anxious. "What's wrong? Are you not feeling well? Should I call a doctor?"

I looked at him and said calmly, "It's nothing. I just had a dream. I dreamed that you betrayed me, and I wanted to leave."

His eyes reddened instantly as he pulled me tightly into his arms. "Chichi, that was just a nightmare. It won't happen. It will never happen. I really, really love you. Don't leave me… I can't live without you."

His voice in my ear sounded so sincere. But my tears wouldn't stop falling.

He said he loved me. Yet, he lied to me, hurt me, and betrayed me.

Since he wouldn't honor the promise of "whoever betrays first disappears", then I'd do it for him.