The Last Time I Knelt for You

"We didn't make it today. Your folks must be pretty upset, huh?"

I let out a flat sound of agreement.

When I didn't blow up the way I always had before, she let out a breath of relief.

"Actually, there's something I want to run by you."

"This wedding of ours. Could we push it back a couple of years?"

She paused, like she was choosing her words.

"Amos was just telling me in the hospital room. All his rich friends bought new sports cars lately, and he wants one too."

"So I went ahead and transferred him the money we had saved up for the down payment."

When I said nothing, her voice slid into a coaxing tone.

"You know his family was good to me. And I've always treated him like my own little brother."

"They've gone bankrupt. If there's any way I can help him, of course I'm going to..."

On she went, spinning out her loyalty and devotion into the phone.

The old me would already have been shouting myself hoarse.

Then where did that leave me?

My years. My pride. All of it worth nothing.

But now I didn't even have it in me to argue.

I said it quietly.

"Do whatever you want."

On the other end, Felicia couldn't hide her delight.

"Sam, I knew you were the best."

"You were so quiet before, I thought you were going to start in about breaking up again. You scared me half to death."

I smiled a little.

"No. I won't ever do that again."

Her voice turned suddenly earnest.

"Sam, believe me. This is the last time I'll ever go to an underground race."

"I'll never let you suffer again. The wedding's delayed, sure, but I swear, when the time comes, we'll throw the most spectacular wedding this whole city has ever seen..."

I listened in silence.

She'd said all of this so many times over these five years.

The first time I heard it, I cried.

Now my heart was a dry well, and not even an echo stirred at the bottom of it.

Right as she was swearing up her grand future, I heard the hospital room door swing open on the other end.

Then Amos's voice, bright with excitement.

"Felicia! Sienna just drove my new car over for me! It's right downstairs, it looks incredible!"

"Come on, come down and take a look with me, please?"

Her tender confession to me died mid-sentence, and her voice flipped straight into doting.

"You little terror, I just got stitched up... fine, fine, let me grab a jacket and I'll come down with you. Quit tugging."

I didn't listen to the rest. I hung up.

The truth was, it hadn't always been like this between Felicia and me.

When we first got together, Amos didn't exist in my world at all.

Then, two years ago, the Fox family went bankrupt, and Amos, who'd been living abroad, was forced to come home.

That was when I learned Felicia was an orphan, raised on the Fox family's money.

In her heart, Amos wasn't an ordinary younger brother. He was the benefactor she had to repay with her life.

That kind of debt was a mountain you couldn't climb over. It had doomed us from the start.

I took a deep breath, picked up my phone, and called my old university mentor.

"Professor Lambert, that posting you mentioned to me before. The one stationed at the Iceland polar research station. Is it still open?"

His voice came back serious.

"It's still open."

"But I have to say it again. The clearance level is high. Once you're in, you can't come home for at least three years. You sure you want it?"