The Alpha I Cannot Love

"Keep your guard up! This isn't a playground!" Coach Miller barked, pacing the dusty perimeter of the training field.

The air buzzed with restless energy. Wolves sparred in the dirt, low growls vibrating through the humid morning air.

I stood near the bleachers, clutching my water bottle. The sun beat down on my shoulders, but my skin felt like ice. The memory of my bedroom door opening last night—only for Kai to stand in the shadow, stare at me in agonizing silence, and walk away—still gnawed at my ribs.

I turned my head.

My eyes found him instantly.

A sharp squeeze clamped around my heart. I pressed a hand to my sternum, fighting a sudden wave of dizziness.

Across the dirt field, Kai froze mid-stance.

His sparring partner swung hard. Kai didn't even block. He took the brutal hit straight to the shoulder, his golden eyes locked entirely on me.

"Kai, watch your left!" someone shouted.

He ignored the warning. His boots dug into the dirt, shifting his weight. His muscles coiled tight. I saw the exact second his rigid control slipped. He took a heavy, forceful step toward me, his jaw set, looking ready to shove through the crowd of sweating teenagers just to shield me from the sun.

"Kai! You're bleeding!" A high-pitched voice shattered the moment.

Mia. The pack's reigning school beauty.

She darted across the field, throwing herself against his side. She linked her arm tightly through his, pressing her chest against his bicep.

"Let me see that," Mia cooed, reaching up to wipe a smudge of dirt from his cheek.

Kai blinked, the golden haze fading from his irises. He didn't push her away. He just let her hang off him, a perfectly posed picture of a future Alpha and his Luna.

My throat closed up.

A heavy, suffocating weight crushed my chest, stealing the oxygen straight from my lungs. I squeezed my eyes shut for a fraction of a second, trying to block out the sight of her hands on his skin.

"You look like you're about to pass out," a voice said beside me.

Ethan. A Beta from my homeroom. Messy blonde hair, kind eyes, and a relaxed posture that made him completely unthreatening.

"I'm fine," I rasped, forcing my gaze away from the couple across the field.

"You're gripping that bottle so hard the plastic is cracking," Ethan pointed out.

I loosened my fingers. "I just hate this class."

The whistle blew sharply. "Hit the showers!" Coach Miller yelled.

The crowd began to disperse. Mia still clung to Kai, whispering something in his ear that made his jaw flex.

I couldn't stand there and watch it anymore. The mate bond twisted like a serrated knife in my gut. If Kai wanted to parade his options in front of me, I refused to play the pathetic, rejected human weakling.

I stepped right into Ethan's personal space.

"Walk with me," I said.

Before he could answer, I looped my arm through his.

Ethan stiffened in surprise but quickly adjusted, offering a warm smile. "Sure. Where are we going?"

"Anywhere away from the meatheads," I said loudly.

We walked past the equipment shed, stepping directly into Kai's line of sight. I felt the exact second his gaze snapped back to me. The temperature in the courtyard plummeted instantly.

"You sure you want to use me as a shield?" Ethan murmured, leaning his head down. "Because your stepbrother looks like he wants to rip my throat out."

I laughed. I made sure the bright sound carried over the noise of the departing students. "Kai? He doesn't care what I do."

"His eyes are glowing, Lyra."

"Let them glow," I said, tilting my head up to smile directly at Ethan. "I prefer guys like you anyway."

Ethan raised an eyebrow. "Guys like me?"

"Normal. Grounded. Gentle," I projected my voice, knowing the enhanced hearing of the wolves around us would pick up every single syllable. "I don't have the patience for dominant Alpha types. They're arrogant, controlling, and completely unappealing."

A dead silence rippled through our section of the courtyard.

A few students stopped walking, glancing nervously between me and the future Alpha standing twenty feet away.

"Wow," Ethan chuckled nervously. "Tell us how you really feel."

"I just did," I replied, squeezing his arm affectionately. "Give me a quiet Beta over a chest-thumping Alpha any day. At least you know how to treat a person."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Mia drop her hand from Kai's arm.

Kai stood completely rigid. The air around him crackled with an icy, terrifying fury.

"Did you hear her?" a girl whispered nearby.

"She just insulted the Alpha bloodline," another muttered.

I ignored the whispers. I kept my smile fixed on Ethan, forcing my trembling legs to maintain a steady pace.

Behind us, a metal bench screeched violently against the concrete.

"Class is over, Kai," Mia's voice wavered. "We should go to the cafeteria."

"Go without me," Kai's voice sliced through the air. It was a low, guttural scrape that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I didn't turn around. I kept walking, letting Ethan guide me toward the main building.

The mate bond flared, sending a rush of foreign emotions straight into my chest.

It wasn't just anger.

It was a hollow, agonizing ache. A deep, bitter sourness that clawed at the edges of my mind. Loss. He felt a devastating sense of emptiness, and it bled through our fractured connection straight into me.

"You're shaking," Ethan noted quietly as we reached the heavy double doors.

"It's just the cold," I lied.

"It's eighty degrees out here, Lyra."

"Just keep walking, Ethan. Please."

We pushed through the doors, finally breaking the line of sight. The crushing pressure of Kai's stare vanished, leaving me completely drained.

I dropped Ethan's arm and leaned against the cool tile wall of the hallway.

"Thanks," I whispered, pressing a hand to my chest. My heart beat erratically, the stimulant from this morning wearing off fast.

"Anytime," Ethan said, watching me with genuine concern. "But you're playing a dangerous game. Alphas don't handle rejection well."

"He rejected me first," the words slipped out before I could stop them.

Ethan's eyes widened. He opened his mouth to ask a question, but a loud crash from the courtyard cut him off.

Someone had just hurled a metal trash can into the brick wall.

"I need to go to class," I said quickly, pushing myself off the wall.

"Lyra, wait," Ethan called out.

I didn't stop. I hurried down the empty corridor, desperate to put as much distance between me and Kai as possible.

My vision blurred at the edges. The dull ache in my organs flared into a sharp, stabbing pain.

I stumbled, catching myself on a row of blue lockers.

The metal rattled loudly under my weight.

I fumbled in my pocket for my pills, my fingers slick with cold sweat. Empty.

"Looking for these?" a dark voice asked from the end of the hall.

I snapped my head up.

Kai stood blocking the exit. He held my small plastic pill bottle in his large hand. It must have fallen out of my pocket on the field.

His golden eyes were gone, replaced by pitch-black voids.