The Act of Love

I went upstairs. Just as I was about to open the door to the bedroom, I saw a pregnancy test in the trash can outside the door.

The familiar shape visible through the plastic bag. It was the same one I'd used earlier today, and the results were the same, too: Rachel was also pregnant.

It wasn't that Xavier didn't want kids. He just didn't want to have kids with me. The thought disgusted him.

My nails dug into my palms. It felt as if vines had sprouted out of the ground and were strangling me. I couldn't breathe.

No one knew better than I did how hard it was to grow up in a broken family.

If that was the case, then it was just as well to have the child's own father end its life.

Calmly, I restored everything to its original state.

Before I left, I turned and looked back at the old house for one last time, thinking of all the memories that it held.

Xavier and I had bought this house three years ago when we'd first gotten married. When we got the keys, he'd told me that I would be the lady of the house from that day on. However, now, it was his and Rachel's love nest.

He had told me he'd rented this place to his colleagues, which was why I never came here. It turned out that he was keeping his mistress here.

I left quietly and went back to the house that I shared with Xavier now.

Opening the medicine cabinet, I took out all of the foul medication and threw them all into the trash can.

There were also sheaves upon sheaves of medical reports issued by the hospital over the years. I burned them and watched them turn to ashes before my eyes.

I thought that I was finally free of the troubles that tormented me, but my tears couldn't stop falling.

My dream had become a nightmare, in which Xavier's words haunted me.

It turned out that once something was broken, it would never be able to go back to the way it used to be.

While I lay in bed, Xavier texted me several times again.

"Shelly, do you still have the maternity stuff we bought before? And the pregnancy care manual I made—is it still around?

"A colleague of mine is pregnant. We won't be using those anytime soon anyway, so why don't we let her have them?"

Clearly, the colleague was Rachel.

I stopped in the middle of my crying, unable to say a word.

The last time I was pregnant, Xavier had been overjoyed. He'd lost several nights of sleep just to compile a pregnancy care manual for me. He'd made a lot of notes on it, all clear reflections of his love and hope.

At the time, he had really wanted the child. Now, though, his love had shifted to another woman.

I closed my eyes and replied, "Sure."

I didn't want the child anymore.

I didn't want Xavier, either.

…

The next morning, I drove over to the hospital to drop off the things that Xavier had asked for.

After taking the things, he tried to hug me.

I sidestepped him and jokingly said, "What's that smell on you? It's so strong. You wouldn't happen to be having an affair behind my back, would you?"

Panic flashed in his eyes just for a moment. Then, he leaned his head against my shoulder affectionately. "I wouldn't. You know very well how I feel about you."

How he felt about me? Whatever it was, it had long rotted away.

I tried to pull away from his embrace, but he tightened his grip.

"Don't be silly, Shelly," he said. "I've just come out of a surgery. I'm tired. Let me recharge, okay?"

He held me tightly as if trying to merge my body into his. His hot breath brushed against my ear. The smell of Rachel filled the space between us.

It made me nauseous.

I didn't understand. Didn't he find this act exhausting?

After the visit, I did not head home immediately. I went to the café across from the hospital and sat there for a long time.

As the sky darkened, I saw Xavier and Rachel heading to a baby store hand in hand.

Once I confirmed that they weren't heading home anytime soon, I went to the old house that Rachel was currently living in.

Before taking out the key to unlock the door, I tried entering our old password into the electronic lock.

To my surprise, the door opened. The passcode was still the date of our wedding.

For a moment, I wasn't sure whether I should pity myself or Rachel.

After entering, I placed hidden cameras in several discreet corners. Once I was sure that I had a full view of most of the house, I prepared to leave.

Just then, the lock on the front door beeped.