Struggling~ Does My Husband Have A Mistress?

My heart seemed to be beating faster as I looked out the window. So much pain in the eyes… and so much pain in the heart I have feeling right now. I wanted to convince myself that I was only dreaming. I hope that everything I see with my eyes is not true.

That man can't be Mike!

"Mamsh, are you okay?" I heard Kath’s voice talking to me. She had her arms around me and was patting my shoulder, moving my body away from the window. “I know you're having a hard time processing everything right now. Because even myself, literally I was surprised by what I saw, and I know you… I know it’s more painful for you."

I shook my head and walked away from Kath. The tears welling up in my eyes, I quickly wiped them away, I made sure to face my friend with a smile on my face.

"My eyes saw that the woman kissed Mike. But only on the cheek. Maybe they are just friends. Maybe that doesn't mean anything, right?"

What I'm saying is stupid. I'm aware of that. If what I'm doing now is called stupidity at its finest, I don't care. It's true that the girl kissed Mike's cheek earlier, so maybe that doesn't mean anything. Maybe there is no malice. I hope that... even if these thoughts are just my imagination, they will become reality.

"Are you really... able to think of such a thing behind what your eyes saw earlier, Andeng?" Kath's face looked at me unbelievably it while questioning me... like even my friend thinks I’m so stupid.

I immediately looked away from her. "I shouldn't just look from one angle, right? Because... yes, from the angle I saw earlier... I can’t imagine that… that woman is really my husband's mistress. But when I try to find things further... maybe... is there another reason why that woman kissed my husband? I can't immediately attribute malice to what I saw when in fact it doesn't really have any other meaning? I don't want to judge people right away."

I really fought hard to defend Mike with my friend. Just by Kath's appearance, I knew she wanted to suspect that the woman we saw earlier was my husband's mistress. Add to it, Kath still doesn't know that the woman we saw together is the same person who became my patient just now—who is pregnant. And the same shade of lipstick she used is the same shade of lipstick I saw on Mike's pants the other day-

I don't really know what to think. The details are too jumbled in my brain.

"I hope you made the right decision to let yourself know the whole truth first. Because if the angle you saw earlier is not really enough, I hope you find an angle that will prove that that woman is not your husband's other woman." Kath patted my shoulder before she left me in the area.

Even I, myself, am not sure what I'm doing. As for the things I think about, my head is hurting too much from mixed suspicions and thinking about things to defend my husband from what my brain is trying to prove. Those arguments keep popping into my head, but I keep ignoring it because I don’t want to believe it. I’m just not… so prepared for that. Because that girl is too young for my husband, or that girl for my husband... which obviously has a big age gap between them.

"It's absolutely impossible for Mike to love someone younger than him."

—

I was eating in the hospital’s cafeteria by myself. Kath and I will not eat together since she will have duty in the Operating Room. Instead of waiting for the surgery to be done there, I went first. It’s just that I am so hungry today that I couldn’t let myself starve for too long.

And for my meal today, I have no other choices but to order a Sulit Meal here at the cafeteria; on a plate there is a burger that’s full of not so tasteful bun in the first bite, then there is also spaghetti that is sparingly in sauce, in the ingredients and the cheese, and lastly there are french fries that are limper than to a sick person.

Well, if I really had company I wouldn't be here to have lunch at the cafeteria. When Kath and I eat together, we go out and look for a restaurant that is close to here to eat. Who else would handle the food here though?

"Looks like you've had that meal for a week, huh?"

Just a while ago I was sitting at my table staring at my food so that I would have the desire to eat it... but suddenly someone occupied the seat across from me. So, I raised my head to see who was sitting.

“Hey, Morgan? Why are you here? It’s been nice to see you again!”

He's been my friend since college. We were a trio back then with Kath, but Morgan parted ways from us when he decided to go abroad and work there. It’s just so sad that after finishing our years in college, I didn’t anticipate there will come a time the strong friendship we built during that time will have to face some… we call a massive breaking apart.

"My grandmother was confined here because of a heart attack. I just visited.” He dropped the large plastic bag he was holding on the table and began to take out its contents. "And of course so that I can provide you and Kath a meal for today. Have you forgotten we had a deal back then? When I finally come back here in the Philippines, I’m going to treat both of you to your favorite meals,” he giggled as he said.

Morgan knows exactly how ticklish Kath and I are; Korean foods of course. Gimbap, kimchi, cooked fried noodles, rice cake, and he also has tacos, lasagna, nachos, spaghetti and pizza. These are the foods that I really crave to eat, unfortunately they are not available in the hospital’s cafeteria.

“I’ve known you for so long, Andrea. And I definitely know when you’re starting to lose appetite, food is something that you almost consume for a week.” His continuous laugh is so painful in the ears.

I was so hungry, I started gobbling up Morgan's food, I kind of forgot to thank him before I ate it all. As I mentioned earlier, my stomach really needs food to digest as soon as possible. I can’t wait any longer.

"Thank you," even though my mouth was falling open, I spoke.

"Don't speak when your mouth is full." Laughing, he took a tissue and came slightly closer to me to wipe the corner of my lips. "I always remind you in college that you don't need to thank me, right? As long as I can see that the food I bought is delicious, that's okay with me. And as well as I could see in your eyes that you’re enjoying the food I gave to you, I’m satisfied with that."

I quickly chewed what was in my mouth and swallowed, and then I started talking while giggling. "You’re speaking like you really thought you were the one cooking the foods you gave to Kath and me before. While it's all from fast food!"

"But I made an effort. I'm still the one who bought it, and it's my money that's being spent," he boastfully implied to me. And because Morgan entertains me during my lunch time, at least now I can laugh again—at least somehow.

"You won’t be safe to me, or perhaps your secret behind the sadness in your eyes. Since I arrived, I've been noticing it for a while. Do you have a problem?" he said suddenly, which I fully thought he wouldn't notice that he saw me in trouble here today. "Just don't tell me that your problem is about your love life, huh? You already know the answer to that."

"What?"

"Just backread our conversation on June 23, 2017. All the advice you need, I already told you there."

I rolled my eyes at him when he suddenly laughed at me. There is nothing so funny about my situation.

"You're sulking again. I'm going to make it up again with my crush who has friendzoned me before." To this day, Morgan is still laughing when he pulls his chair next to me. I stopped eating when he put his arm around me and patted me on the shoulder. "Of course, as a man who loved you before, it hurts me to know that the woman I valued so much until now, will only be hurt by her husband. Because it's like slapping me in the face, Andrea, that... I made the wrong decision to leave you to your husband now if he's going to hurt you too."

"Because, to tell you honestly... I loved you so much that day... that I couldn't bear sleeping every night without regretting letting you go. But I chose to let you go and leave you to Mike... because you love each other. Who am I to stop you from being happy, right? Of course, wherever or with whom you are happy, I will be happier, too. For you..."

I moved away from the contact of my body with his, and I faced Morgan… without realizing that I was in tears. “I really love my husband, Morgan. So I can't bear it if we just break up-”

"So, you and Mike have a problem?"

I was trapped by my words, so I nodded in response.

"As long as you can solve it, you will overcome it. As long as the problem is not too big, talk about it. I don't want to see you hurt because of your relationship with Mike. That hurts more for me, Andrea."

I couldn't do anything but hug him. And there is no malice since Morgan and I are just friends. I can't even bear to tell him that I suspect that my husband has a woman. I know him, he will react once he knows that leaving me to a man who can't keep all the promises he made to me when we got married might lead to nothing.