Steps of Desire

I didn't sleep that night.

Every time I closed my eyes, my brain dragged me right back to that moment outside the restaurant. Ryan's hand hesitated at my waist, his breath brushing my cheek, the look in his eyes like he was fighting something he didn't want to lose to. And honestly? It scared me how much it shook me.

By morning, I felt wrung out and twitchy. The house woke slowly, sunlight spilling across the hallways as it belonged to someone richer than us. Every step I took echoed. The Caldwell mansion always made me feel tiny, like I had walked into someone else's dream and couldn't find the exit.

I padded downstairs in a hoodie and shorts, rubbing my eyes. The smell of coffee hit me first. Then the sound of low voices. Ryan's voice and Liam's laugh.

Great, two reasons to turn around and go back upstairs. But my stomach growled loud enough to betray me. I stepped into the kitchen. Liam spotted me first and waved so aggressively that he nearly knocked over a mug.

"Ella! Rise and shine. You look like you fought the night and lost."

I groaned. "Thanks, Liam."

Ryan sat at the island, scrolling through his phone, pretending he didn't notice me. The folded sleeves, the slightly messy hair, the faint shadow of stubble, yeah, he was definitely ignoring me on purpose.

I reached for a mug and my hand trembled a little. Stupid nerves.

"Rough night?" Liam asked innocently.

Before I could answer, Ryan spoke without looking up. "She barely ate yesterday, probably why."

I turned and stared at him. "Are you keeping track?"

He finally lifted his eyes. "Someone has to, you keep forgetting things."

"That's not your job."

"Could've fooled me," he muttered.

I clenched my jaw. Liam made a quiet "ooooh" sound, like a child witnessing drama for the first time. "You two need therapy," he said. "Or a cage match."

Ryan shot him a look, and Liam raised his hands in surrender. My phone buzzed and it was a message from Sophie.

Sophie: I'm outside, open up. I brought food and gossip.

I exhaled sharply. "My friend is here, don't embarrass me."

Liam saluted dramatically. "No promises."

Ryan didn't say anything. But his eyes followed me as I walked out, the weight of his stare dragging across my spine.

Sophie burst into the hallway like she owned the place. Braids bouncing, oversized tote bag smacking her hip, sunglasses huge enough to reflect my entire soul.

"Okay. Spill," she rasped, grabbing my arm. "You look stressed, is he stressing you? Because I can fight him. Not well but I'll try."

I snorted. "I'm fine."

She stared harder. "Liar."

We walked back to the kitchen. Sophie immediately sized up the room, and her gaze landed on Liam first.

He waved. "Hi, I'm Liam. I ruin vibes for a living."

She grinned. "Sophie, I encourage chaos."

Ryan watched the two of them like they were a weather forecast he didn't trust. Sophie leaned close to me and whispered loudly "He's staring."

I kicked her foot. "Stop."

She didn't. "No seriously, he hasn't blinked."

Liam choked on his drink. "He does that, don't take it personally. That's just his face."

Ryan ignored them but his jaw flexed.

"So," Sophie said, grabbing a muffin from her bag, "tell me about last night, I want details."

My heart lurched. "There's nothing to tell." Ryan's gaze flicked to me, sharp and questioning.

Sophie raised an eyebrow. "Liar again."

She took a slow bite. "Why do you look like someone almost kissed you?"

Liam gasped theatrically and pointed at me. "You did not!" Ryan stiffened.

I wanted to crawl into a cabinet. "Nobody kissed anybody!"

"But it was close," Sophie said, narrowing her eyes. "I see it on your face."

Ryan stood abruptly, pushing his chair back too hard. "I have work."

"On a Saturday?" Liam teased.

Ryan ignored him, grabbed his keys, and walked out the back door without looking at me. Sophie watched him leave then turned back to me slowly. "Oh yeah, that man wants you so bad."

I nearly dropped my muffin. "No he doesn't!"

"He does," Liam said, nodding with the confidence of a drunk psychologist. "I've known him for years, that was a freak-out walk."

I folded my arms, sinking against the counter. "He said it can't happen."

Sophie rolled her eyes so hard I worried she'd hurt herself. "Girl, half the best mistakes start with 'this can't happen.'"

My cheeks burned and my stomach twisted. I hated how right she sounded. Later that afternoon, Mom insisted we all sit in the living room for some "family bonding." Worst idea ever.

Ryan sat on one end of the couch and I sat on the other. Mrs. Caldwell perched in her armchair like she was judging a competition we never signed up for. "How is everyone settling in?" she asked sweetly.

I forced a smile. "Fine."

Ryan crossed his arms. "It's been... an adjustment."

She nodded. "I expect you both to behave like adults, no unnecessary drama."

"Drama?" I said carefully. "There's no drama."

"Not yet," she muttered.

Mom, oblivious as usual, smiled warmly. "We're all getting along wonderfully." I wanted to scream but I couldn't.

Then Mrs. Caldwell added, "Just remember that people will talk, so appearances matter. I don't want any confusion or tension between the two of you." This statement hit too hard on the nose and Ryan's jaw flexed again. 

Too many truths sat between us that were loaded and unspoken. Unexpectedly, Ryan pushed up from his seat. "I'm done."

Mrs. Caldwell frowned. "Excuse me?" He ignored her and left the room again. I followed a few seconds later, ignoring the questions being thrown at me. I found him in the hallway, leaning against the wall, the tension rolling off him like heat.

"You okay?" I asked quietly.

He looked at me with a sharp and tired eye. "Your mom and my mom... they talk too much."

I huffed a laugh. "Yeah."

He stepped closer but not touchy this time, it was just close enough that it did something to my breathing. "Ella..." he began with a low voice. "Whatever this is... You feel it too."

My heart slammed against my ribs. "Ryan..."

He shook his head like he was fighting himself. Then he said it again but he was quiet and too honest.

"Don't act like you don't feel it." I froze and the world felt like it stopped for a second. 

His fingertips brushed my arm slowly in a hesitant manner, like he was testing the air between us. His breath roughed my ear and I felt my pants getting wet. Then his voice dropped lower. "You make it impossible to ignore you."

I couldn't breathe or speak. Before anything could happen or any line could be crossed, Mrs. Caldwell's voice sliced through the hallway.

"Ryan! Ella! I need you both here, now."

He cursed under his breath and stepped back, running a hand through his hair. I stood there, my heart in my throat, wondering how the hell we were supposed to walk back in there like nothing had happened. Because nothing about this was nothing.

Pretending was getting harder, a lot harder. And deep down? I wasn't sure I wanted to pretend anymore.