Rude Awakenings After My Son's Death

"I'll get you there in time, I promise." Those were the last words I said to my son.

And I regret them.

Sitting on the floor, I cradled my son's cold body in my arms with my tears running down. All I could think was that I regret the day I chose his father. Because if I didn't, Jordan wouldn't be dead in my arms a few hours after he was supposed to take his SAT exams.

My story begins 24 hours ago.

# # #

"Jordan, you need to rest." I walked into my son's room with a warm glass of milk and some cookies.

He looked at the plate with hunger in his eyes but shook his head. "No. I need to make Dad proud."

I tried to hide my frown for my son's sake. It was my fault that his father never truly liked him. Jordan’s birth defect also made it hard for Daniel to even consider anything Jordan did as good enough. My husband was a perfectionist and he always considered his son a mistake. A constant reminder of a night gone wrong on his path.

"Dad will be proud." I dropped the cookies on his desk and stroked his thick black hair.

"I don't just want his secretary to write me a new check. I want to see his smile. I want him to hold my hand and say, well done son."

"I will." Daniel speaking behind me caused me to drop the glass of milk.

"Mum." Jordan rose, coming to my feet to help.

But his father stepped in and stared at me with a condescending look. "The least you can do is learn how to hold a cup properly."

I did not say a word as I picked the shards, ignoring the blood flowing from a cut on my leg.

Daniel focused on Jordan as he continued, "Son, you must get into Winchester College. Your great grandfather---"

"And my grandfather and you went to Winchester College and it is the pride of all Valente family. The starting point to launch is into a career where all mortal men look at us like perfect gods." Jordan recounted what my husband had drilled into his ears since he was born.

I expected Daniel to smile and at least show some approval form Daniel’s efforts but all he did was make a gruff disapproving sound at the back of his throat.

"You understand my expectations for you are high. Even more important, you have to make it on your first trial. No Valente has ever repeated."

"Yes father." Jordan nodded and faced his book, trying to hide his displeasure.

The last time he had shown how he really felt, Daniel had smacked him across the face. It was the cause of one of our many big fights. We tried harder now to keep it from Jordan.

"You can leave now so he can study." I tried to usher Daniel towards the door because Jordan wouldn't dare eat while his father was here and my poor son was already as pale and thin as one could be.

"Son, tomorrow I'll drive you to the SAT centre. We leave by 5:30. Don't be late."

Jordan’s eyes widened.

It was the first time Daniel had ever offered to drive Jordan. It would be the first time Jordan would be in his father’s car. Even I couldn’t hold back my surprise.

“Really, honey?”

“Yes.” Daniel did not keep the coldness from his voice as he regarded me. “My son’s success is the most important thing to me.”

# # #

By 6:00am I was still waiting by Daniel's car with folded arms. He took his sweet time to arrive, leaving me and my son out in the cold while he enjoyed some breakfast.

"I thought you wanted us to get there on time?" I demanded.

"Mom?" Jordan cautioned.

He already made me promise not to fight Daniel but how could I not? Left to me, Jordan would still be in bed sleeping and I wouldn't wake him till 7am. He would wake up to a hug, hot food, prayers and an already packed bag. But Daniel had offered to drive and Jordan would never refuse.

Daniel got into the car with Jordan reading beside him on the passenger side. I wanted to get into the back of the car but Daniel locked the door.

"What?" I lifted Jordan’s bag so he would see how stupid he was being. “I’m with his bag.”

"Drop it. You can't come with us."