Rising From My Sister's Shadow

After college admissions, my twin sister, my boyfriend, and I traveled to the state university to register, with our mother along for the trip.

We came out of the train station right into the noon glare.

Suddenly Debbie cried out that she'd left her sun hat back on her seat.

Michael James frowned and looked at me.

"Debbie's got a UV allergy. You're the fast one, run back to the car and find it before she breaks out in a rash again."

I pushed against the crowd streaming the other way, finally found the hat, and ran back to the exit drenched in sweat.

The four of them who'd been waiting there were gone.

A voice message from Michael popped up on my phone.

"The car that came for us only seats four. There was way too much luggage, no way to squeeze everyone in."

"Your sister can't stand out in the sun with her allergy, so we headed to the hotel first. Just take the subway over on your own."

The subway station at the start of term was packed shoulder to shoulder. Dragging two huge suitcases, I got shoved down twice by the crowd.

My knees were bruised purple. It took me three hours to reach the suite they'd booked.

I'd barely reached the door when I heard the laughter inside.

Through the half-open gap, I saw Mom fastening a diamond necklace around Debbie's neck.

Michael stood beside her, gently smoothing her hair.

"Your aunt picked this out just for you as a back-to-school gift. It looks so pretty on you."

Not one of them mentioned that today was my first day of school too.

I dropped the sun hat into the trash and dragged my luggage away from the hotel.

Since they loved each other so much, I wouldn't intrude on the party.

1

Getting from the hotel to campus used up the last of the cash on me.

I finished the enrollment paperwork alone, hauling two enormous suitcases, only to be stopped by the dorm supervisor when I went to collect my room key.

"You're Audrey Fox? Your name seems to have been crossed off."

She pointed at the red line through the sign-up sheet, looking troubled.

Something dropped inside me. Before I could ask, a familiar voice came from behind me.

"Sis, you finally made it!"

Debbie came trotting out of the single-occupancy apartment building behind me and hooked her arm through mine, all affection.

"Let me help you carry your stuff over to the dorm."

Before I could react, Michael appeared too.

He stepped quickly to Debbie's side, pulled a tissue from his pocket, and easily wiped the thin sheen of sweat from her temple.

"I told you not to run. What if you got too much sun?"

Only then did he frown, as if he'd just noticed me.

"Audrey, haul your luggage up yourself. Don't wear Debbie out."

The two of them leaned into each other like no one else was there, one pouting, one soothing.

I looked down at my bruised, purple knees and was suddenly hit with an exhaustion I couldn't name.

I opened my phone. My advisor had sent a screenshot from the system backend, right there in front of me.

Applicant: Audrey Fox.

Reason for application: qualifying for a premium single dorm on the basis of state and municipal proof of financial hardship.

Transfer record: transfer of the dorm to younger sister Debbie Fox, applied for by Audrey Fox herself.

Reason for transfer: applicant is in good health; younger sister Debbie Fox is frail and needs rest and recovery.

The account used was my student card account.

And the password was known only to Michael.

I stood there holding the phone, dazed.

The pain in my knees had faded to pure numbness now.

After I'd carried all my luggage up into the old dorm building.

I came back down and saw Mom, who'd rented a place near campus to stay close and support Debbie, standing at the foot of that single-occupancy apartment building, pressing a thick wad of cash into Debbie's hand.

"Go get all four pieces of your bedding set replaced with new ones. Don't shortchange yourself."

She turned, saw me, and her face darkened in an instant.

"You little debt-collector, what are you standing around here for? You'd even fight your own sister over a dorm room? How can you be so selfish!"

Michael stood beside them stroking Debbie's head, deaf to my mother's cursing, as if the three of them were the real family.

It struck me then that it had always been this way.

Debbie had a mild UV allergy, so the whole family fussed over her like she was the center of the universe.

And me, I'd taken on every chore in the house since I was little, only for Mom to jab a finger in my face and call me born with a servant's life, made to wait on others.

Michael had once been the only exception.

Sophomore year of high school, on a rainy night, I burned up with fever, and he carried me on his back through three streets to find a clinic.

Back then I really did think he was a god sent to save me.

But later, through me, he met Debbie.

He started memorizing every one of her follow-up appointments, remembering which medications she was allergic to, even lining up to book specialist appointments for her on his own.

When I complained, hurt, all I got was the two of them asking the same practiced question.

"What's wrong with a guy running errands for his girlfriend's sister? You're being way too petty."

That line left me with nothing to say.

"Sis, what are you spacing out for? Go pay your housing fee already, or you'll have nowhere to sleep tonight."

Debbie's voice pulled me back to reality.

I drew a deep breath, my voice dry and cracked as I looked at my mother. "Where's my ID card?"

Her eyes darted away.

I pressed on.

"Did you use my ID card to cash out the entire twenty-thousand-dollar student loan that just came through for me?"

I'd gotten the text saying the loan had landed the moment they abandoned me at the train station.

Mom flew straight into shamed fury.

"So what if I did! I used that money to buy your sister premium supplements. She's so frail, of course she needs the extra nourishment!"

She looked me up and down with contempt.

"It's just a little money. Go wash dishes in the cafeteria and earn it back yourself. What's the big deal!"

I looked at her, so tired my eyelids were trembling.

In the end, I tugged the corner of my mouth into something like a smile, said nothing, and turned back toward that run-down eight-person dorm.

Behind me came my mother's furious, flustered shouting.

"What kind of attitude is that! Think you're all grown up now? Who do you think you're giving that face to!"