Returning From Divorce: Ex-husband Regrets

I could no longer hear what they were saying. My eyes were completely blurred, my heart was beating so fast. It seemed that my eardrums were beating.

Was the person you loved the most Elaine? What about me? Had you stopped loving her a long time ago, or had you never loved her?

I pressed my chest hard, breathing heavily, but I dared not make any sound. Yes, when Lionel and I met, he was in love with Elaine.

When I transferred to No. 1 Middle School, the whole campus knew the story between the top student Lionel and the school belle, Elaine.

I just didn’t know when it started, but there was a rumor that I was the real school belle.

For two whole years, I was isolated by the girls in my grade. The vicious rumors stabbed me like sharp knives, making me spend the infinitely dark years of my life.

After the college entrance examination, Elaine was sent abroad and they broke up. But I went to the same university with Lionel. He was decadent and I was depressed.

We were like two animals licking each other’s wounds, carefully avoiding each other’s wounds and hugging each other gently.

Lionel transferred his love for Elaine to me. He accompanied me to find a psychological teacher, took me to travel and see the scenery and always gave me affirmation and warmth.

Lionel was a light in my heart, so I fell in love with him wholeheartedly.

We got married after graduation. I didn’t want a penny of his gift and bought him a watch with my part-time job.

At that time, my wedding ring was just a silver ring worth less than 14 dollars. We bought a house and a car.

I quit my job to take care of his food and daily life and often went to take care of my parents-in-law.

I was immersed in the eternal love he had woven for me and I firmly believed that life would get better and better and I would not leave him alone in his difficult days.

But in the end, he said that I was immersed in the dream of raising him and I was just a dodder who could not leave him.

The so-called love and the so-called hardship were all a scam. Where could there be eternity? Five years had almost worn me out.

His face was rosy and he had a beautiful woman in his arms.

In those places, I couldn’t see he lived a life of luxury. Had he ever thought about me, who didn’t even have time to wipe the sweat?

I should have understood earlier that only I could continue to save myself. I could also give myself the love and life he was unwilling to give me.

I turned off the alarm clock at five o’clock in the morning. Lionel was still sleeping soundly in bed. At this time in the past, I would have prepared breakfast, heated it in the pot and gone out to do housework.

But today, I didn’t go into the kitchen, but washed and dressed myself seriously.

The woman in the mirror was only 28 years old, but the fine lines at the corners of my eyes and the rough skin made me look more than 10 years older.

Because of fatigue and malnutrition, my body became shriveled.

Lionel walked to the bathroom with sleepy eyes and was surprised when he saw me. “Wife, are you still out?”

Time left no traces, but it didn’t favor me. Lionel still looked like he was 18 years old, with an upright posture and handsome and elegant appearance.

I understood that it was not that time did not favor me, but that Lionel did not favor me.

“No work today.” I stubbornly applied skin care water on my face, but Lionel sneered behind me.

“Okay, you can’t go back to 18 years old even if you apply that skincare.” There was disdain and sneer in his eyes, but no heartache.

Of course, I couldn’t go back. Elaine used skin care products that cost thousands of dollars a bottle and how could my toner, which cost 1.40 dollars a bottle, compare with it?

I was too lazy to answer him, so I turned around and walked out.

Lionel was still muttering behind me, “You are ugly and have a bad temper. You are no fun.”

I went out for a morning run of three kilometers and then walked to the company panting.

“Emma, are you not coming on time today?” I happened to meet my boss in the tearoom and she asked me jokingly.

But I felt sour in my heart. It was not easy to find a job I liked, but in order to make money, I exhausted myself and couldn’t do what I wanted to do most. In the end, it was all in vain.

“I won’t do that again. I will work hard.”

She was slightly startled and patted my shoulder with a smile. As a result, I just sat down at my workstation when I received a call from Lionel.

“Emma, why is my shirt still soaking in the water? Didn’t I say I would wear it to the meeting today?” It turned out that it was just slightly not to his liking and it would be exposed.

“Why don't you wash it if you want to wear it?” I hung up the phone and just wanted to work hard.

I worked overtime for two hours before I got off work. When I was going home, I passed by a shopping mall that I hadn’t walked into for five years. Holding the phone tightly, I walked in slowly.

I chose a set of skin care products that suited me and asked the clerk to try makeup on me. I looked at the strange and distant self in the mirror. It turned out that I didn’t need to polish it and it turned out that I could be so beautiful.

“Miss, you have a good skin. Girls should be nicer to themselves. Look, how beautiful you are.”

Listening to her lovely words, my eyes were hot and I bought a whole set of cosmetics to go home.

She wanted to help me remove my makeup, but I smiled and refused. When I got home, Lionel saw me and acted as if he didn’t recognize me. But soon, there was anger in his eyes.

“Emma! You dress like this to do housework; who are you trying to seduce? I called you so many times, why didn’t you answer? Who did you meet out there?”