Since I Have No More Tears to Shed, I Will Rest in the Sea of Blossoms

"You're the one who destroyed this family."

"Nic, why did you make that call? Why did you stay with Yvonne?"

"I hate you. I hate you!"

Yes, why?

Why must fate be so cruel to me?

I couldn't understand. Who could give me an answer?

No one could answer me.

In just one night, everything changed.

I lost my husband, my friends and my parents. I lost the home that was once so warm and happy.

Now, all I could do was sit alone on the street, letting the bleak, cold wind ruthlessly cut me to shreds.

Just then, Harvey told me Yvonne was pregnant.

He sent me photos from her prenatal checkup and said, "Nicholas, you should know the child isn't yours. Leave Yvonne alone. Don't bother our family, okay?"

There they were, holding hands as they went for the checkup, full of affection and sweetness. It's such a happy family reunion.

At that moment, I wanted to kill them both, but I still had my mother to take care of.

My father had already gone and I was no longer a child. I had to shoulder the burden of this broken family by myself.

Later, I asked Yvonne for a divorce.

The ridiculous thing was that she actually refused. She claimed she couldn't bear to lose me, that she couldn't let go of our ten years together.

"Nic, you don't understand, human emotions are very complicated. Just because I chose Harvey, it doesn't mean I don't have you in my heart."

"He's different from you. You have a happy family, with your parents taking care of everything for you. But Harvey ... he only has me."

Yvonne said that after giving birth, she would give them some money to send them away. Then we'd live a good life together.

"Nic, there's nothing that can't be overcome. Many people live through things like this. After everything settles down, let's forget all this and go back to how we were before, okay?"

No!

Ten years of my life and one human life had been destroyed. How could I possibly forget all this and live peacefully with her?

So, I filed a lawsuit. After dragging on for some time, Yvonne finally signed.

She didn't sign out of remorse, but only because she needed the child in her belly to be acknowledged by its biological father so that she could start a new family with another man.

After the divorce, we never contacted each other again.

Yvonne continued to paint and teach, while I took my mother to see doctors everywhere.

One cow after another was sold and one tear-soaked pillow after another was thrown away.

My mother's condition remained unstable. She'd cry while staring at me, or lash out at me with blows and curses during her episodes.

During that time, our house was filled with psychiatric medications.

I thought about dying a thousand times. Yet I had to find every possible way to keep living with my mother.

In time, my mother's condition declined, but her mind slowly cleared. For a brief moment, she became that loving mother again.

On her deathbed, she held my hand and said, "Nic, you've suffered so much these past years. Mom can't be a burden to you anymore. I don't blame you. Your dad and I never blamed you."

"After I die, let go of the past and live a good life. Don't ruin your life for someone like that."

Another ten years passed.

I shed the very last tear of my life and I finally made up my mind to live well.

But at my mother's funeral, I was diagnosed with cancer.

"Psychiatric medications are all harmful. After taking them for so many years, this was an expected outcome."

"I'm not too sad, just a little regretful. Regretful that I didn't live well in the past ten years."

"So, in the last moments of my life, I planned a spontaneous trip. I just never expected that after ten years of no contact, I would run into Yvonne here."

"But it's okay, it's all in the past, I've long since let it go."

Hearing this, the driver was already sobbing uncontrollably. He asked me why I hadn't told Yvonne all of this.

I only replied bitterly, "What was there to say? Should I have used my father's death to gain sympathy? Or should I have admitted that I was the one responsible for his death?"

I couldn't bring myself to say it, nor could I do it.

Life had thrown every kind of torment at me and the only thing I could do was accept it with calm acceptance.

After all, this was how my life must be.

As we were speaking, the car reached its destination. I immediately got out and stretched.

The sky was darkening, but the Cosmos flowers were still blooming.

The wind blew through the fading blossoms, swept over me and scattered a few medical reports from my bag.

I instinctively reached out to chase after them, but when I turned back, I saw Yvonne standing right behind me.