I'm an Ordinary Woman Who Only Knows How to Love Ordinarily

3: 3

3

That Wednesday, Timothy left before dawn.

Gwyneth's venture had landed a new round of funding, and there was a celebration dinner that night.

Before he left, he heated a glass of milk for me and reminded me,

"Don't forget your folic acid supplements."

"Once the checkup's done, send me the results."

"Gwyneth just got back. She'll probably drink too much tonight, so I have to look after her."

I watched his back as he reached the door and answered softly.

"Okay."

At the hospital, halfway through the scan, the doctor suddenly stopped.

"We've found the reason you keep feeling sick and dizzy."

"The fetus's brain tissue hasn't developed normally. There are signs of miscarriage."

I stared blankly at the shape on the screen, already taking on an outline.

It was as though sound had cut out around me.

Ten minutes ago, I'd still been guessing whether the baby was a boy or a girl.

Ten minutes later, the doctor was telling me this child never had a chance to come into the world.

Under the violent swing of emotion, a sharp pain tore through my lower belly.

Blood soaked through the hem of my dress within moments.

The doctor's face changed, and she had the nurse wheel over a chair at once.

"You're already bleeding. This baby can't be saved. We have to terminate the pregnancy as soon as possible, or the mother could be in danger too."

Before I could truly take in that the baby couldn't be saved, the consent form to terminate was already in front of me.

Before I signed, I made only one request.

"Can I call the baby's father first?"

The phone rang a long time before he picked up.

The other end was full of the noise of the celebration venue being set up.

Timothy asked impatiently, "Checkup done?"

I gripped the phone hard.

"Timothy, something's wrong with the results."

"The doctor says the baby has anencephaly. We have to right away—"

"Charlotte, I don't have time to listen to you read out prenatal checkup results. If it's nothing, just take a cab home first."

He cut me off.

"Gwyneth's launch is about to start. Everyone's waiting on me."

Before I could finish, the call was already gone.

The nurse looked at me with pity.

"Can't your family get here?"

I stared at the dark screen for a long time before I shook my head.

It struck me then that this child had never wanted to come into the world.

She didn't want to be like Auntie Gwyneth. She didn't want to arrive into a home with no love in it.

She didn't even want me, her ordinary mother.

I closed my eyes and lay down on the operating table.

When I opened them again, I was already in the recovery room.

The nurse saw me wake and let out a breath.

"You hemorrhaged during the procedure. Thank goodness we caught it in time."

"You can't leave on your own right now. Someone from your family has to come."

She held the phone out to me.

I looked at Timothy's number for a long time, then dialed it anyway.

It rang for more than ten seconds before he answered.

His voice was even more impatient than before.

"What is it now?"

I looked at the blood bag by the bed, still draining, my voice so weak it was almost inaudible.

"The surgery's done."

"I hemorrhaged, and the baby's gone. Can you please come?"

There was a beat of silence on the other end.

Then came his cold laugh.

"Charlotte, an hour ago you were reading me prenatal results."

"Now it's a miscarriage and a hemorrhage?"

"You'd make up a lie like this just to drag me away from Gwyneth's celebration? Do you have no shame?"

I forced out an explanation.

"I'm not lying to you!"

The nurse couldn't stand to hear any more and took the phone.

"Sir, Ms. Pruitt just came out of a procedure to terminate her pregnancy. She hemorrhaged during it. She needs someone with her."

Timothy said coldly,

"I don't know who you are."

"This is between me and my wife. Please don't help her put on a show."

Gwyneth's voice came through from the other end.

"Timothy, come cut the cake, everyone's waiting for you."

Timothy's tone softened at once.

"Coming."

Before hanging up, he left only one thing.

"Charlotte, using a baby to fight for attention is vicious. Lying about a baby's life is more vicious still."

"When did you turn into this?"

The line went dead in my ear.

The nurse's face went white with anger.

"That's the baby's father?"

I watched the sky darken bit by bit outside the window and shook my head gently.

"Not for much longer."

At midnight, I was still on an IV.

A group video call from the three of us suddenly popped up on my phone.

I thought Timothy had finally remembered to ask how the day had gone.

But when it connected, it was Gwyneth in the frame.

She'd probably had too much to drink and hit the group call by accident.

The phone had been set down on the liquor cabinet, the camera aimed right at the couch a little way off.

Gwyneth tilted her head up at Timothy and suddenly smiled.

"Timothy, I regret it."

"All these years, I've been to so many places."

"Snow-capped mountains, deserts, Antarctica. I used to think that was the life I wanted."

"But today, seeing the things you bought for the baby, I suddenly wanted a home too."

"I don't want to drift alone anymore."

Timothy looked at her, and a pain I'd never seen before surfaced on his face.

It was a long while before he asked hoarsely,

"Why are you only saying this now?"

Gwyneth's eyes reddened.

"What if I hadn't left the year I graduated college?"

"What if I'd told you then that I was willing to stay? Would you have married me?"

Timothy didn't answer right away.

But his silence had already told me the answer.

Gwyneth asked again,

"Would you?"

"Yes."

One word, and it tore the seven years between him and me to shreds.

I gasped for air in great, painful breaths, barely able to breathe.

When the nurse came to change my dressing, she knocked the phone by accident.

The video call cut out.

I didn't call back.

I just lay quietly on the hospital bed, watching the fluid in the blood bag drip into my body little by little.

The child he'd wanted to be like Gwyneth was gone.

And I didn't have to be an ordinary housewife anymore.

After I checked out and got home, Timothy still wasn't back.

I packed my own things into a suitcase, and I set the divorce papers, signed, on the dining table.

Then I bought a ticket to Norway to see the northern lights.