One Spoon of Lard Turned the World Against Me

“I just don't get it. All I did was fry up a plate of greens with pork. You'd think I'd done something unforgivable!”

“Cooking with lard is completely normal!”

“You think maybe it's the seven-year itch, that she wants out, so she's deliberately……”

Arthur's voice shot up:

“What did you say? You fried a plate of greens in lard?”

It startled me, and a strange wave of dread went through me.

“Yeah, I cooked the greens in lard, and then everyone in the diner just lost it all at once, and Marian too……”

Before I could finish, Arthur threw off my hand and shoved me out the door.

“Miles, I must have been blind. Twenty years of friendship, with someone like you!”

“Get out of my house. Now!”

He stared at me like I was some monster, his eyes full of horror and disgust.

I froze.

“Arthur, what's wrong with you? Why are you saying this too?”

But he wouldn't even look at me. The door slammed shut.

I pounded on it. Nothing.

I called him right back. “Arthur! What is going on? Just tell me!”

From the other end came a hysterical roar.

“You animal! You disgusting piece of filth! You've got the nerve to ask what's wrong? Why don't you go die already!”

The line cut off hard.

Arthur and I grew up together. No matter what I did, he was always on my side.

When anyone picked on me, he was the first one to step up.

But now he looked at me like I was a plague.

I stood there in the stairwell, my head a complete mess.

Why? Why was this happening?

The customer, my wife, and now my best friend, all turning on me one after another.

I wondered if Marian and Arthur had paid off that customer,

picked the fight on purpose to force me into a divorce. Maybe the two of them had been carrying on behind my back all along.

But Arthur was gay. He had no interest in women at all.

And the two of them had never been able to stand each other.

Marian thought Arthur was too soft, too prissy.

Arthur thought she was a fussy, nagging busybody.

If it weren't for me, those two would never have crossed paths at all.

So what was the reason? It couldn't really be over one plate of greens cooked in lard, could it?

While I was still turning it over with no answer, Marian actually posted the divorce papers to the family group chat.

“Miles Gilbert, nine o'clock tomorrow morning, the county clerk's office. I am divorcing you, and that's final.”

My hands and feet went cold. She was actually serious?

The chat exploded. Mom and Dad called immediately.

“Miles, what happened between you and Marian? Why is she suddenly talking divorce?”

I didn't know how to explain it, so I told them everything that had happened at the diner, start to finish.

My father blew up on the spot.

“Is she out of her mind? Filing for divorce over a single dish?”

“If you ask me, she's just looking for an excuse to make trouble for you!”

My mother was furious too. She told me not to be afraid, that they'd stand behind me.

Half an hour later, I got home.

Marian was already sitting in the living room. When she saw me come in, her face was terrifyingly dark.

My father pointed right in her face and started shouting.

“Marian Lyons, have you got any conscience left at all?”

“Back when you had nothing, how much did Miles suffer right alongside you? He broke his leg in a car accident just trying to bring you a flash drive!”

“Now that life's finally getting good, you want a divorce? Are you even human?”

My mother's face was cold too.

“You're not leaving this house until you explain yourself!”

Faced with my parents' demands, Marian suddenly smiled, a smile so chilling it made your skin crawl.

“Miles Gilbert, do you dare tell them what you did today?”